Monday, November 4, 2013

Day 4 of Days of Thanks... Jesus Take the Wheel.

November 4th

 I've written about my connection to this song probably many times in my blog. I have been through some tough times and I have never blasted God or asked him why I know he has his reasons and its not for me to understand now but perhaps later or not at all. I have held on to my faith like my last breath of air because if its the last thing I have then I cannot give up on that. 

I read Gianna Aborted and Lived to Tell about it. Years and years ago. 

She talks about giving it to God etc. I never understood it. When Mackenzie had to go live with the grand bitch I just said God has a reason and its not for me to question it. Anyone that knows me knows how freaked I get about my kids especially Skylar. She had to have general anesthesia at the age of what 3 or 4 I don't remember to have some teeth removed. I FREAKED big time. I still questioned how to give it to God etc etc. But I did my best. I heard Jesus Take the Wheel  and it kinda put me at a calm and I just promised God if he helped me with Skylar that I would give back to him. I would lead my life in another direction. My prayer and promise was a lot like the words to the song. Then when I left that situation in Georgia a year or less later. I questioned the road I was about to take. The Journey... When Rick made the decision that he didn't want to leave me in Georgia and I had to leave the ex and my family. I really was scared to leave Mackenzie behind. I wouldn't live in the state as him anymore. I wouldn't have the safety of my family... Although they looked more unsafe at that time. I knew it would be a better life here. Even once we were married I hoped I chose the right road for Skylar. Then we chose William and retirement and I still questioned my decisions. Now I feel whole about my faith. I kept telling Rick over the summer have faith, pray about it... God will provide and I got the usual yeah whatever... God doesn't pay the bills. But he did! You know how many job interviews Rick has been offered since ITT-CAS? I mean who would have been able to convince him a month ago he would quit ITT-CAS? 

I wrote this 3 years ago and he's been at Northrup Grumman now for 3 years and it provides. It provides him with more than a job. 

When Skylar needed to have that general anesthesia to have her teeth removed I was very scared and freaked out. I was worried. I had been under general anesthesia and every time I've had it was very disorienting to come out of. The tube to help you breathe down your throat etc. Not to mention risks etc.
I had told people about reading about Gianna and how she didn't hold a grudge about her injuries from the attempt to abort her. She gave it all to God. As I said as a teen/ young adult when I read the book I didn't get it. So I started asking in my groups and friends. Its not an easy thing to explain but I tried to do it in my own way and give it my best. I just had to believe he was in control and he wouldn't hurt her. Having that faith has helped me through so much.

So what does this have to do with the days of thanks? What am I thankful for? As I said on Day 1 and Day 2 of this...I am thankful for the broken road that led me to where I am. Sometimes I have control issues and try to take back over and I have to remember to give it God and he will take care of whatever it is that is taxing me. 

I had this all thought out yesterday but didn't have time to write it since I was driving a lot... perhaps it will come back to me later today after the kids are off and the Caffeine hits the joints.

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