Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Roaring at Haters.

So after I was listening to MoJo... I love Car line for this reason and they were having the discussion about friends... Roar by Katy Perry came on. I have had some family drama lately and I have always wondered why certain family, friends, people in my life why they can't be happy that I am where I am? Then I realized because the people oppressing you don't WANT you to win... They are HATERS.

I must sound so full of it but this is honestly I guess my logic... If people can't be there for me in the sunshine and just LOVE when it rains then they don't deserve the sunshine and its ALL RIGHT!
Or if people JUST want my sunshine but vanish when it rains then its time to kick those people to the curb as well.

I have cried my ugly tears this week dealing with my family abandoning me but I realized they just can't be happy for me for whatever reason its THEIR issue not mine. This is not a new issue I have struggled with my family my whole life. Same goes for some people I might have called friends.

I have truly been blessed with the ability to not let things weigh me down... It could take months, or just weeks or days or no time at all for me to dust myself off but I ALWAYS dust myself off. Sometimes I have to learn that a certain thing or person is holding me down that may take awhile it may take awhile for me to learn to let that person go but I can ROAR over adversity I believe it and I have done it... maybe its what some people call faith? IDK...

The Trouble with Ramona

I was listening to Mojo (a local DJ on 104.3) and he was reading an email in a segment he calls Naked Morning Guy where this woman "Ramona" said she always has that one friend that always tends to call when she needs something not when she just wants to get together or whatever. I have spoken about such a problem myself. Mojo says even he has that problem even with a brother. So a caller called in and said each friendship or relationship has to be weighed and valued differently. You may have resources someone else doesn't.... Like my friends call me the Google Queen plus I am quite crafty and pretty good with graphics. I do tend to get people out of the wood work who just need me to do something on PSP or find something on Google and honestly its irritating because Google (or Swagbucks) and I don't have a special relationship LOL anyone can Google. I do get irritated that you seem to pay 0 attention to me 364 days out of the year except the one time you want me to work a miracle in Paint Shop Pro... don't offer to pay me, want me to use my resources that cost ME money, and don't even act the least bit appreciative. There are a lot of times i want to send people to http://lmgtfy.com/. So yes I may have resources, talent, and knowledge but don't let that make your head big it doesn't come free. Anyways he or she was saying to find a resource that the other friend has that you can use from time to time... How to tell your real friends from users? Call them up, Facebook Message, Or whatever from time to time and say hey I need and it doesn't have to be anything huge or taxing it can be a cup of sugar... if they are your true friend then sugar won't be that much of an effort for them. I LOVE Bartering... I am not such a great baby sitter... I mean I don't kill anyone's kids but I just don't think I am great with kids other than my own but my friend she's GREAT with kids and sometimes my son William is hard to be with but they were like soul buddies from instant. So I may call her to babysit for me which she says she doesn't mind... I do NOT like asking friends to baby sit especially for free. I always feel like the favor is going to hit me in the face. So if I do ask her to babysit I always pay her whatever I can or a very fair and competitive amount. But I also show her I am returning the favor by using resources, talent, and whatever to make her life easier. I don't wait to be asked I just DO IT! I have had a rough few years with some really close relationships... When I left Georgia with the clothes on my back and nothing more and made EVERYONE from coast to coast... well drop their jaws I wasn't even sure my best friend was my best friend anymore. When I was on the verge of leaving and breaking up with my boyfriend at the time she seemed to be more friendly with my boyfriend than me. I always got stuck at home doing mom stuff while he went over there to chill relax drink or whatever. Thankfully she is still one of the best friends I've ever had for the past 10 years. I had another best friend O. and K. they encouraged me to get out of the rotten place I was and follow my destiny but when I got to Alabama... O. got crazy and told Rick I was cheating on him and that I didn't make enough time for her... Those who've read this blog awhile know the story, well that relationship fell apart and I have tried to revisit it but I just don't think its a healthy one. K stayed my friend and we got closer for awhile but then I felt like it started to unravel when I got pregnant with my youngest. Perhaps we were on two different wave lengths... perhaps it was jealousy. Then her life took her down a path where we had one thing in common again and then something happened and I was spooked away again and I have left that relationship where it is.... I had a friend that I have had for off and on for 13 years? A very long time and at the beginning of this year I just kinda felt like I was her cure for boredom and I didn't want to be anyone's cure for boredom... If you want to talk to me or spend time with me it should be because you want to not because your on your 20 minute ride to the doctors office and you want to call me on your way there. in April the shit kinda hit the fan and then she took a path in her life I didn't agree with and she seems to be all about her new life path so we've lost a connection and I am happy for her but at the same time I don't miss what we had. I was finished I think before I knew it. I also had two friends B & B that really burned me about two years ago... I have had a hard time making new friends since then. I hadn't really wanted to I would rather be a loner (which is NOT me I am a very social person) than be that hurt again. I have friends... especially friends that have kids that are friends with my kids... you know you go on play dates or you hang out on occasion... But I kept them at arms length... afraid of the loss again. I haven't completely gotten over that and I am not sure I want to walk blindly over the rope bridge again :/
I had a very wise woman I am acquaintances with once tell me.. in relationships and friendships you don't keep score... I always try to remember that especially when I feel as I do now... burnt out. I know I may be in a better situation that some of my friends so I can give them a helping hand and when they get on their feet perhaps they will return their favor some how... I am not counting on it but perhaps.... I am a little frustrated with the fact is I don't even see some of my friends TRYING. I guess I need to let go and give it to God.

This started out as one blog and transformed into another... Read the next blog about Roaring at Haters!

My Precious Child

I entered a diaper giveaway on My Precious child... Even if you don't have a child in diapers check them out they have fantastic products and giveaways.

Friday, November 8, 2013

Day 8 of thanks

This picture signifies the beginning of what I call my second life. My life away from Georgia. My life as an Army Wife, My life as a wife, a mother, step mother... and so on.

Day 8 I am thankful for my second life. Its more than a second chance at life. God had already given me that. Its a new life as a Christian because I asked God to take the wheel and lead me to my purpose filled life and there I was at the alter with a man I had spoken to for over a year but we were only together for a few weeks. I had no butterflies, no reservations, no second thoughts... I was full in +Richard  on the other hand was shaking like a leaf. Being an Army wife or a soldier isn't for everyone. I was unsure if it was my purpose from the time I was a little girl I just said never... My guardian was retired Air Force. My sister was in the Air Force I saw things... I knew things but then again I knew nothing. The Army provides for us to this day even though he's been retired three years I will never be ungrateful for the privileges and how it provides for myself and Skylar. The military provided my second life a whole new life. 

Just because I have a second life doesn't mean that I didn't learn from my first life. EVERYTHING I took from my second life stays with me like a tattoo. Its never forgotten. Some of the pain has stayed behind but some creeps up and becomes raw. The rawness of becoming a widow, being abandoned multiple times by blood and family, loosing Mackenzie. As well as some relationships I've kept. My best friend of 10 years, and some people that seem to take me for me! 

and I am grateful for my new home. Where the problem is this weekend to go to Aviation Challenge at the Space and Rocket Center, The Chattanooga Zoo, or the Harmony Park Safari? There is so much for our kids to enjoy here whether you have money or you don't.

Madonna This Used To Be My Playground (Long Version)


Thursday, November 7, 2013

Day 7 of thanks

Day 7
I know most of you have heard this before... 
I am thankful for the dirty dishes it means we have plenty to eat... I can name some people that struggle to have dinner each night and some children who's belly goes empty.

I am thankful for the roof over my head I show that gratitude by showing kindness upon the homeless.

I am thankful for the presents under the tree at Christmas time and I always pay our blessings forward and its a tradition our kids pick out gifts for Toys for Tots. 

I try not to complain when my husband works long hours because he has a job in this economy especially in his field where Furlough is as common as the word Friday. Its a GOOD job. I love the company. I love the benefits. The pay isn't half bad either. I am VERRRY grateful.

I am thankful that my laundry multiplies in the baskets that means we have plenty of nice clothes to keep us warm. Honestly my kids closets over flow.

+Bella Armyknightslady  +Richard Stevens

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Day 6

Day 6 I am thankful for the support. I have entrusted a few people in my life with a major life changing event that could happen in my little world very soon. I have only heard positive things from people and I am so grateful that my husband supports me and encourages me and doesn't freak out hehe :)

I am thankful for my network of people that are knowledgeable in whatever field and I know I can get help in many ways if needed.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Day 5 of my Days of Thanks

Day 5 I am thankful I get the opportunity to work from home that way I can take the time needed to take care of my little monsters. The weekend before Halloween William started a cough and just wasn't acting like himself so we have had to post pone plans of taking James hiking for his birthday. He got better and surprisingly went to school all last week. I was the one that had fighting the cold. Well last night William's cough achieved level nasty and he's got a low grade fever at best. His head is still very warm even though the new thermometer isn't showing a high temp... (we have major issues with thermometers in the house LOL)
I even kept Skylar home because I know she's got the same cold and low grade fever
Skylar brought down her trundle mattress so they could cuddle. William is so upset he can't go to school. My alarm on my phone went off and William said its time to go... I said yes bud but we are going to stay home and rest today. He got the pouty lip and is so sad... He left the room and a minute later came back and said but please can I go to school? awww my poor baby. William has some special needs children in his Pre-K class and I am almost positive one has a compromised immune system so I don't want to chance that child getting sick. Plus with William having a fever he could get more sick from other germs.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Day 4 of Days of Thanks... Jesus Take the Wheel.

November 4th

 I've written about my connection to this song probably many times in my blog. I have been through some tough times and I have never blasted God or asked him why I know he has his reasons and its not for me to understand now but perhaps later or not at all. I have held on to my faith like my last breath of air because if its the last thing I have then I cannot give up on that. 

I read Gianna Aborted and Lived to Tell about it. Years and years ago. 

She talks about giving it to God etc. I never understood it. When Mackenzie had to go live with the grand bitch I just said God has a reason and its not for me to question it. Anyone that knows me knows how freaked I get about my kids especially Skylar. She had to have general anesthesia at the age of what 3 or 4 I don't remember to have some teeth removed. I FREAKED big time. I still questioned how to give it to God etc etc. But I did my best. I heard Jesus Take the Wheel  and it kinda put me at a calm and I just promised God if he helped me with Skylar that I would give back to him. I would lead my life in another direction. My prayer and promise was a lot like the words to the song. Then when I left that situation in Georgia a year or less later. I questioned the road I was about to take. The Journey... When Rick made the decision that he didn't want to leave me in Georgia and I had to leave the ex and my family. I really was scared to leave Mackenzie behind. I wouldn't live in the state as him anymore. I wouldn't have the safety of my family... Although they looked more unsafe at that time. I knew it would be a better life here. Even once we were married I hoped I chose the right road for Skylar. Then we chose William and retirement and I still questioned my decisions. Now I feel whole about my faith. I kept telling Rick over the summer have faith, pray about it... God will provide and I got the usual yeah whatever... God doesn't pay the bills. But he did! You know how many job interviews Rick has been offered since ITT-CAS? I mean who would have been able to convince him a month ago he would quit ITT-CAS? 

I wrote this 3 years ago and he's been at Northrup Grumman now for 3 years and it provides. It provides him with more than a job. 

When Skylar needed to have that general anesthesia to have her teeth removed I was very scared and freaked out. I was worried. I had been under general anesthesia and every time I've had it was very disorienting to come out of. The tube to help you breathe down your throat etc. Not to mention risks etc.
I had told people about reading about Gianna and how she didn't hold a grudge about her injuries from the attempt to abort her. She gave it all to God. As I said as a teen/ young adult when I read the book I didn't get it. So I started asking in my groups and friends. Its not an easy thing to explain but I tried to do it in my own way and give it my best. I just had to believe he was in control and he wouldn't hurt her. Having that faith has helped me through so much.

So what does this have to do with the days of thanks? What am I thankful for? As I said on Day 1 and Day 2 of this...I am thankful for the broken road that led me to where I am. Sometimes I have control issues and try to take back over and I have to remember to give it God and he will take care of whatever it is that is taxing me. 

I had this all thought out yesterday but didn't have time to write it since I was driving a lot... perhaps it will come back to me later today after the kids are off and the Caffeine hits the joints.

Day of Thanks

My husband wanted an easier way to read them other than Facebook so I told him I would post them here. Every Day I can post a day of thanks.

Lets go back November 1st

Day 1... Thank you God. Its been a long path that I've been down. Sometimes the journey got hard but I held on to faith. I knew it had to lead somewhere. I am thankful for every hill or mountain. I am thankful for every rocky path, every endless burning sky when I just wanted a break. Every blister and worn mile I've been on my feet its been worth the journey...

November 2nd

Day 2. I am thankful I am a Christian. I am thankful for those who taught me faith... Rev Carmack. Barry, Pastor Mark. I am thankful Jesus shed me of my sins and gave his life for me. I am thankful for the Bible for the lessons inside. I am thankful to have purpose and hope. I am thankful for prayer and forgiveness.

November 3rd

Day 3 I am Thankful for my Family! I am thankful for each of my children and my husband. They each bring something to my life that someone else couldn't do.

I will start today's Day 4 on a new blog.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Her Obsession... errr OUR Obsession



I am going to put this out there for anyone who is nosy enough to ask wow that's a lot of dolls your daughter has what can one do with that many dolls. Did you ever count your Barbies growing up and say... wow we have 9 barbies one more barbie and that's it we can't get anymore because you can't possibly get 2 more... Did you ever count your friends and say... I have a blonde, a brunette, an oriental friend, an African American friend, and a redhead... I can't have anymore friends. Have you counted your shoe collection, purse collection or whatever item you decide to collect and say nope I am cut off now I have to get rid of some. Even if that item was gifted to you would you honestly say thanks but no thanks I have enough of that item? I have loved dolls since I was a child. My grandmother collected dolls and I read all the American Girl books but never had a American Girl doll. I had other types of dolls including the Cabbage Patch I still have till this day. Now my daughter is 11 she doesn't play with toys we are giving away her Barbie and Polly Pocket Stuff soon as soon as I get well. Most teens get into games and have a Play Station, a Wii, an Xbox, their computer and at least 10 games for every platform. She's not really into gaming unless its Sims. Boys have Lego's ....So if it takes an Army of American Girl dolls to keep her uninterested in boys guess what? I will buy her an Army. Eventually she will grow up and still go boy crazy but for now as fast as her body is developing (She's over 5 feet tall and 90 lbs) at her young age of 11 I'd rather keep her a little girl... not a make up clad, hoochie clothes wearing, chasing boy... mom on 16 & Pregnant! As long as she wants.... as long as they are cared for then I will continue. Her 4 year old brother likes them and I have a few of my own the ones I always dreamed of having. These dolls aren't all American Girl and what we spent is none of your business. We aren't going into debt for American Girl. 1 doll may be enough for your daughter but perhaps my daughter wants an Asian doll like her friend Jade, and a Blonde doll that's a dancer like her friend Kara, She wants one with long hair so she can style it and it looks like her friend Carri. My daughter has friends of many shades and ethnic backgrounds so why shouldn't her dolls be as diverse? Sorry vent over I am just tired of being asked LOL...