Thursday, February 28, 2013

Brag bag or tacky bag

I am sure I have written about this in some way shape or form but here I go AGAIN.

I respect the uniforms of the men and women in the Armed Forces as I respect the men and women who wear them.
I believe in taking the up most care of the uniform by keeping it as clean as possible (being in the military is a dirty job), pressing it when possible, and keeping it up to standard. I do stick my nose up in the air when a redneck or a hunter gets a second hand uniform and cuts them into shorts or makes it look totally tacky. (By the way tacky is a matter of opinion for you and for me.) 
I think re-purposing uniforms into household things, bows, clothing, and purses can be done nicely. There is always someone that has to be tacky LOL.
I do not believe in any way shape or form should the American flag should be cut and re-purposed into anything. It IS against flag code. I do not believe its the same thing as re-purposing the uniforms. 
The argument is I didn't earn the uniform my husband did. My husband did earn the uniform and its his choice what he does with them when he is done with them. He has his last uniform he wore hanging in his closet and I have a purse made from his last uniform from his last deployment. A lady named Jennifer through Hero on my Shoulder My husband actually bought me my very ACU bag while he was deployed off of Ebay so it had nothing to do with his uniform. He bought my daughter one from the shop at Ft Campbell when we were visiting as well. Since then I have a total of  6 uniform bags including my daughters. I never wear rank or medals. Who does that? That is ridiculous IMO. I do wear my name tape and usually a tape that says US Army Wife, Veterans Wife, Merry Christmas... something like that. I have his unit patch because I am proud of his unit and to be apart of it. Since my husband retired two years ago the unit doesn't even exist anymore. They no longer use the patch so someone of the same unit would be the only ones to recognize it. If I could find more Army Wife/ Veterans wife patches I would think its cool to use them. They make child sized uniforms and sell them through Clothing and Sales... How is that not tacky too? They should really make patches for the kids (I survived my first deployment with daddy, I PCS'd to.., I left my childhood home.. Things that kids do for the military life.) I got so many compliments and only a very rare rude comment about my second purse (it also has photo pockets to show off my Soldiers too!) I wanted a second one badly. The photo pockets need some work and the ribbon too. I decided if I am going to get complimented for wearing my bag why not get PAID for it. So I joined as a recruiter for Military Apparel Company and started to carry their bags. I got a Class A uniform for a diaper bag and a smaller purse to carry. Again I would get many compliments and tried to make money carrying these awesome bags. I did nothing but carry a bag and hand out a card to those who asked about them. I finally got the bag I use now as a surplus from someone's business online. So I only really have three bags made from my husband and step son's uniforms. I love my ACU bag... it works for me its not just the uniform that makes it perfect for me its got a nice strap that sits on my shoulder the way it should... lots of pockets inside and out and it fits my style and personality. I don't walk around in ACU all day no... I don't wear Proud Army Wife shirts very often since he retired (but hey the hoodie is still warm on some days). But it works for me and I do like the compliments on my bags. I have even got stopped by a 4 star General. So if its so disrespect to the uniform wouldn't he know instead of telling me how nice my bag was? Not very often you get stopped by a male to tell you that you have a nice purse even if its Gucci, Coach, Chanel, Dooney and Burke or even a bag from Good Will. MEN do not tell you that you have a nice purse unless they are homosexual LOL. Yet I get compliments all the time from our men in uniform :)

If a chick wants to have a proud army wife sticker on her car, a proud army wife shirt on her body, Recruiting for booty undies under her jeans, and carry an ACU bag... That's her damn business. She's not showing off her booty underwear and just maybe her husband likes that she is proud of him. There is a classy way of carrying off your clothing and gear and there is a trashy way of doing it :) Knowing the difference is huge! So if you think I am tacky in my pink Army Wife shirt with camo pants carrying my ACU bag while holding the hand of my toddler wearing her ACU dress.... look the other way we are proud to be in such a unique family. I won't be walking a run way in New York City but I didn't consider your opinion when I was in my closet this morning anyways. Those of you who have something nasty to say about it are the ones that people shouldn't look at when looking at the military wives. 

I saw on Facebook this morning someone said "What i can't stand,gets under my skin like no other..when girls (usually) foam at the mouth about how great their man is because he's a serviceman or cop or firefighter,etc. No no occupation doesn't make a person good. Can't they "brag" about how great he is because he's loving,caring,understanding,accepting,kind, a good dad,funny,etc. Those are brag worthy traits. An occupation is just a check!!" How true is that... I am proud of my husband because he tries to be a good father and husband and he has strong work ethic and takes responsibility seriously... too seriously LOL. Being in the military service for over 24 years shows sacrifice and commitment also traits to be proud of. It IS hard work. Being in the military doesn't make you a good person... Timothy McVey was in the military... He's not a good person and hopefully is burning in hell. There are plenty of Military service people that aren't good people I just snagged one of the good ones :)

Wednesday, February 27, 2013


The reality is never say never... I try to share my experiences. I try to share my story and what I've learned in hopes that someone else won't end up like I did. About 10 years ago I got a subpoena telling me that my then husband was dead and his mother wanted to take my son from me. I don't think many women in an abusive relationship marry knowing the man is abusive. I don't think many women who's husband cheat and leave them marry knowing there husband is going to cheat and leave them. Just like people with AIDS say I always said it would never happen to me and it did. I never thought I would run away from my abusive husband to save my daughter and he would die. I didn't think divorce was in my future but death beat him to it. I lost my identity. I was always under my mothers wing them I was Adam's wife and Mackenzie's mom. I did know who Bella was. I didn't know how to be on my own two feet. I was living with a friend of a friend with a 1 year old on my hip at first and $5 no ID to my name... Who can say they've been there? I had no help. At the time of Adam's death I was living with a boyfriend and my baby was 4 months old. I was ready to file for a divorce I had the money... they told me I had to hire a private investigator. So instead of the money going toward the divorce it had to go toward a custody lawyer. I never had much money at one time.. there were times I was in a homeless shelter to times where I was working two jobs. I never had any idea what my future was when I was a 19 year old newlywed then a 23 year old widow. So I share my story about my rise from ashes basically. How I was homeless and broke. People always tell me well I've got a good husband he would never do that... I can always depend on my mom. Unfortuately its not always the way God has planned. I always tell people not to trust a spouse in a seperation that he won't jack you up and screw you over.. Because that DOES happen if he was so great you wouldn't be seperated. Always put your children first and think of the future. Plan for the future. No one wants to be in a Tornado but we have Tornado sirens, drills, weather radios, and tornado shelters. No one wants their house to be on fire but we have Smoke Detectors and plans for that too. Why not think of a future of you on your own and be prepared? No I don't panic everytime my now husband is late. I don't always fear he will leave me. I don't think he would but I can tell you I'd be prepared if he did! Sometimes it doesn't hurt to plan for the What If's because 10 years ago the lives of a nieve 23 year old, a 3 year old boy and a 4 month old girl changed forever....

in 1999 I didn't think when we played this song at our wedding because it was our song of how true it would be...

Sunday, February 24, 2013



Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a Black Hawk chopper coming in over a san hill near Mogadishu. When my PTSD starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is me

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

This is the last time...

An Open letter...
    To the one who broke my heart,

I am so drained and tired of the power you hold over me. I constantly feel myself coming back to you. Coming back just to be abandoned again. Your worthless apologies keep me tied up. I am tired of thinking for once, maybe one day, you will follow through with your apologies and empty promises. The guilt of you brings you back just for you to disappear again. Do you ever think how I broke behind another slammed door? Do you ever think of the tears I shed because you aren't here? I can't keep putting myself through this. Not just for my sanity but for my kids. I have to be a better parent to them and not get caught up in your lies. I fear you hurting my children with the same fantasies and fairy tales you've led me to believe. Over the years the words to tease me and reel me in again. To make me forgive you just once more just for you to fade away. All I ever wanted was for you to be there for me. So many times I lay hurt and alone and you weren't there.  I am sick and tired all of these games. You've ruined your last chance to keep me around you let me down again. After you leave I am back to being a broken child. You leave such a mess for me to clean up time and time again. There is no reason why I shouldn't be on the top of your list yet time and time again for years and years I am left alone. Maybe you never loved me, I think how can that be? How could you not love me? Why am I so unlovable? Why do you continue to abandon my kids and I. At least the other's could stay away once they left....

This is the last time I am asking you this... If I am not on the top of your list then don't come back anymore. If not to spare my feelings and not kick me while I am down. Don't dare break my children like you've broken me. You will never have that power over them. Ever. One day they will know the truth.


Found myself at your door,
Just like all those times before,
I’m not sure how I got there,
All roads they lead me here.

I imagine you are home,
In your room, all alone,
And you open your eyes into mine,
And everything feels better,

Right before your eyes,
I’m breaking, no past
No reasons why,
Just you and me.

This is the last time I’m asking you this,
Put my name at the top of your list,
This is the last time I’m asking you why,
You break my heart in the blink of an eye.

[Taylor Swift:]
You find yourself at my door,
Just like all those times before,
You wear your best apology,
But I was there to watch you leave,

And all the times I let you in,
Just for you to go again,
Disappear when you come back,
Everything is better.

When right before your eyes,
I’m aching, run fast,
Nowhere to hide,
Just you and me…

This is the last time I’m asking you this,
Put my name at the top of your list,
This is the last time I’m asking you why,
You break my heart in the blink of an eye, eye, eye…

This is the last time you tell me I’ve got it wrong,
This is the last time I say it’s been you all along,
This is the last time I let you in my door,
This is the last time, I won’t hurt you anymore.

Oh, oh, oh,

This is the last time I’m asking you this,
Put my name at the top of your list,
This is the last time I’m asking you why,
You break my heart in the blink of an eye.

This is the last time I’m asking you this, (this is the last time I’m asking you this)
Put my name on the top of your list, (name on the top of your list)
This is the last time I’m asking you why, (this is the last time I’m asking you why)
You break my heart in the blink of an eye. (You break my heart…)

This is the last time I’m asking you this,
Time I’m asking you this,
Time I’m asking you this,
Time I’m asking you this..