Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Mom never gets a sick day

Mckmama- Not Me Monday

I admit when Rick is sick I get grouchy because I know the probability of me getting it is high. Like this week. William got food poisoning and or the stomach flu. Rick came up with it next and he just laid around and "acting" out of it. I would ask him questions and I got "I don't knows" from him. The bed needed to be made but he didn't know where to find the sheets or what they looked like. Oh yes and he basically snored on the couch most of the day. First of all I know he really was sick because he is a work a holic even on a weekend he will check his work laptop frequently.  But I am an out right witch when my husband or adult step son is sick. I admit it. I can sit here and try to claim its not me that is mean to them when they are sick that I baby them just like I do my younger ones. But I am not going to lie on my blog. I am a bitch and you want to know why? I have been sick one way or another most of my life. I have had more surgeries/operations/procedures done than I can count. I have more stitches than the average person and I have had over 100 staples lining my head from ear to ear. I have a higher tolerance of pain probably. I don't bitch and moan when I am sick. Before we all caught the stomach flu we had Whooping cough except the little ones because of their vaccinations.  I was pretty ill. I still had to take care of my kids with a 102 fever.  No one takes off of work to care for me. Moms are like Soldiers we get no sick days LOL. So when Rick is home sick I treat him like I get treated.... oh sure like right now I am pretty sure I have an abscess tooth I have been neglecting getting it pulled and the stomach bug... Rick feels sorry for me that I am in so much pain I have to take Vicodin but I always get a bad reaction from it. But he goes to work because he has to work he can't stay home and take care of me. I don't get a nanny to fill in for me when I am sick. Not many moms do get a helping hand when they just feel like they can't cut it. So why should I say "poor baby" when my husband is sick. My adult step son is extra pitiful. I just can't give anyone a pity party when I've been there and survived. 

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Saturday, February 25, 2012

Ten Years Ago

I haven't been blogging much because the adults in the house had a bad case of the Whooping Cough. We got well enough to take a trip to my friend Angie's wedding in Griffin, GA. I had planned on making stops a long the way as always but we left later than usual. Ten years ago today I lived in a place called Douglasville GA. I had probably just conceived Skylar. I estimate it was probably Valentines Day since I didn't do the deed any other time. While I was in Douglasville most of the surroundings were familiar but for the first time I got a bad mojo... I felt the evil in this place. I haven't been there in 5 years but I saw areas of town that didn't give me a good feeling and brought back old memories and took me to the place I was 10 years ago. I was pretty lost, confused, and really not taking care of myself as I should. I passed the road that I never thought I would see again or remember exactly where it was... the road I was attacked on and saved by one of my many angels I encountered in Douglasville. I passed Arbor Place Mall where I met great people like Jacob and reconnected with old friends like Chris. I remember getting my sister or sister in law to drop me off at the mall so I could walk over to Firestone to see Chris and hang out with him. I remember date nights with Jacob or Brandon at the movies. There were many good times but what dark cloud looms over me is the dark place I was in 10 years ago. We had to drive through many of my old haunts like College Park, Riverdale, Jonesboro, & Lovejoy... and none of them gave me the heebie jeebies like Douglasville. A lot of bad things happened in my home town too. Loosing a child, being abused,.... lots of things but in Douglasville I just think it was such a dark time in my life and I was almost out of control. I enjoyed the little time we had to show Rick around my home towns (Clayton Co GA) where I went to school, my childhood home, the Publix store 545 where I had my first job, where I skated, where I went to church... Angie and Bill's wedding was beautiful. Congrats you have been married a week now. As she said it was 17 years in the making. We had dinner with my old friend Megan and her five year old Bradley. Its awesome seeing her and she is exactly as I remembered her. We must do that again SOON. I say a trip to the zoo, Stone Mountain, or the Aquarium (I've never been there), I am always up for the World of Coke and Varsity! How about Six Flags, White Water, and American Adventure?

Then we drove up to Kennesaw again seeing old haunts and to meet my sister, her ex, and my three nephews. Boy did I miss them and I wish things were like they used to be. I wonder if they could ever get back what once had? After lunch with my family we were off to see Jennifer in Calhoun... another trying time I had in my life. I moved up to Calhoun in April 2002... so almost 10 years ago. The night I moved up there that night there was a crazy tornado. That tornado reminds me of the one we had here last April. In Calhoun I had a lot of growing, I had a lot of trials. While hiding in Calhoun my first husband passed away and I lost Mackenzie. I dated for almost 5 years a drunk and a drug addict who couldn't seem to keep his stuff together but somehow he kept it together better than some people do. He held a job for a long time at least. We never got evicted and I never had to beg to keep my power on even with the layoff's. It was a trial and a test of my faith for sure but going back to Calhoun is a thrill for me. I love seeing Jennifer. She is a true best friend because she is the only person I can have a ratty head full of hair, I hadn't waxed my eye brows, or shaved my legs and I can be an out right bum and she doesn't judge me. She loves me and always wants me to visit. I wasn't gone a day before I got a text message saying she missed me and wondered when I was coming back. I know I am always welcome at Jennifer and Chris as well as anyone in my family. Jennifer and Chris have stuck by me even though I dropped the bomb on my neighbors like I did on the rest of the world. I was leaving Donnie and not only that I was leaving the state with someone they didn't know at all. I hope they trust me with that decision. Jennifer and Chris are like family! Its hard to believe we have been friends for over 8 years? The best thing about being friends with J&C is that Skylar has had a life long best friend in Cari and now William and their 4 year old Houston seem to be very close and always enjoy each other
Skylar 4 and Carri 5 in 2006
Jennifer and Chris with Emily 2011

Skylar, Zoe, and Carri

Anyways where I was ten years ago was lost and trying to find my way in Douglasville. Angels saved me time and time again from others and from myself. I believe an Angel led me to Calhoun even. Donnie may not have been the best choice but I don't regret it and he was the broken road that led me straight to home...

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Sunday, February 12, 2012

What Appliance Can I NOT Live Without

April 27th of 2011 We had a series (MULTIPLE) EF5 tornado's tear through our community. Houses & grocery stores were destroyed like bombs had gone off. The storms manage to damage huge power lines coming from the dam a hour away or a hour and a half away. Which made most of North Alabama without power except a small oasis of power called Athens. A couple of the bigger stores like Target and Publix got generators but many many gas stations and smaller stores didn't have generators. Many restaurants had gas stoves so they could still cook and they tried and just served $5 plates out their back door it was better than the food going to waste. Then small city of Athens, AL with a population of 21,000 was overwhelmed with people waiting in line for hours for bottled water, gas grills, charcoal, batteries, and gas. Cell phone and land line phone coverage was pretty much out. We had to live without power pretty much for about a week. We got power back a few days after Osama Bin Laden was killed. If I remember that was the day they announced it. So if you would have asked me a year ago what appliance could I not live without my answer would have been different. Now I would say I have lived without them all. The only thing I didn't have to do then was to hand wash clothes I went to Athens to wash clothes at the laundry mat. I could live without owning a washer I actually like going to the laundry mat. Thank God after all that destruction we had weeks of beautiful weather that had wonderful temps to be able to stay outside, grill out, open our windows for fresh air, and warm water by sunlight.

This was a Piggly Wiggly & Dollar General the survivors hid in the walk in Freezer

Anderson Hills 

A Funnel Cloud that was larger across than the four lane parkway (Memorial Parkway at Drake)

Another shot of some houses

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Saturday, February 11, 2012

RIP Whitney Houston

I get that some people don't care about celebrities and they think its stupid that some of us get so attached. I was devastated with Michael Jackson died. I was sad when Heath Ledger died. What a loss IMO. I also understand people don't want to hear about it (you know there is a way to hide those feeds?) I understand people are upset because celebrities get more media attention than our lost heroes that die in battle... again I think its TRAGIC but is it really necessary trashing the dead? I grew up you don't speak ill of the dead. There is no reason for you to call her names. You can't stand in judgement yet. You aren't supposed to judge her or anyone for that matter. She's standing before God same as Josh Powell and they will get their judgement. Its annoying as F to me that people pretend to be MJ fans NOW but did they listen to his music 6 weeks before he died? Probably not. Now we are going to hear years of Whitney tributes of people who pretend to be her fan. Don't hate on Whitney Houston because she probably made poor choices we all have at one time. Her's cost her daughter a mother.

Its tacky... don't do it! Be classy and just respect others and ignore it and don't start drama.

Overcoming Fear

A few years ago I was in a group therapy setting back in Georgia in my old life. The therapist told a story about an old Lion watching over his pride. Outsiders wouldn't come close because when the old lion would roar it would sound loud and scary. In reality the lion was old and his joints were bad and he just couldn't fight like he used to... The lion had a young son in the pride though who's voice wasn't as strong as his father's but his bite and fight were stronger. The "False Evidence" is the older lion's roar.. it made him appear scary yet there wasn't much fight left in him. This quote and this story has pretty much given me some foundation for my "Second Life." 

I don't know I guess my brain is wired differently. I have anxieties just as much as the next person. I have one type of anxiety dealing with my Post Traumatic Stress that is irrational at times but with my anxieties overall I have them in check most of the time. I had a good friend that had anxieties and my step son struggles with them and I have never fathomed letting fear control me. When I was struggling with depression I had a dream that I was back at my first church Trinity and we were having a lock in and I woke up to see demon's taking my church family that I was extremely close to dragging them out of the church. When I woke up I just said to myself perhaps depression is the devil's way of casting doubt or trying to cloud your mind. From that moment I decided I wouldn't let demon's win. I know I sound like I am over the top and usually I am not but about certain things it just pushes it up to the surface. My feelings that fear shouldn't control me comes from this nightmare... this dream as if it was a direct message from God. I have been through a lot of trials in my life starting from birth, dealing with my parents issues with drugs, abuse, & neglect. Then operations through out my teen years. Domestic Violence as an adult and loosing my first husband and son. Then getting out of another unhealthy relationship. Now finally surviving deployments, being away from Mackenzie and dealing with the new challenges that are set before me. I have never lived my life with fear controlling me. I do what I have to do to get it done or I would have never have made it this far. 

I have talked in my blog about learning to give it to God I am not going to repeat all that again. But just using these tools has helped me overcome fears

I thought I would hate...

Growing up I always said I wouldn't marry into the military and being a Georgia Peach I always said I wouldn't live in Alabama in my Carpe Diem moment I did both. I can't say I don't still HATE Alabama but Huntsville I have learned to love. It woo'd me and I am here. You go an hour outside of Huntsville and you definitely see a difference. I was born in California and raised between the suburbs of Los Angeles and Atlanta until the age of 10. Then I lived in the suburbs of Atlanta until I separated for my first husband.Then I lived in the peaceful mountains of Georgia... Still a Georgia Girl through and through. I didn't leave Georgia until I met Rick.

I thought I would hate being a military wife but being something is more mind over matter. Of course I was spoiled by being stationed at a TRADOC post where the rules are a little more lax for my husband's rank. Its a smaller post (also a bad thing with the drama), great housing... I can't complain about much. It was an experience I would do over and over again. No regrets.

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A place from my past that felt like home.

My home away from home growing up was the church I grew up in Trinity and my grandfather's farm. I was like a caged bird stretching her wings on the farm. I had so much freedom especially the older I got. My grandfather's wife had some issues dealing with my sisters, cousins and I and would lock us out of the house. But we were farm children its what we probably needed. Drinking out of a hose that had laid in the summer heat we weren't worried about diseases etc. We walked barefoot on the rock's that paved the drive ways. Climbed the tree's and ran in the pasture. I bet we even waded in the lake at times. I miss those days and I wish I could give my children the same open air freedom I had. Not having to worry about playing in the yard because a sexual predator or kidnapper might be lurking nearby. Not too many "boogie" men wondering around acre's and acre's of private land. Another place I always felt like I could run to was my neighbor and best friend Alicia's house and I did when I ran away I just ran two doors down.

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Friday, February 10, 2012

My Volunteer Work

I don't mind Volunteering as a matter of fact I am always trying to scheme up ways to volunteer. There is just never enough time. Sadly I haven't been able to volunteer with my daughters activities (class or girl scouts) because I always have to have William with me. Its something I have felt guilty about for awhile.
As a teenager I volunteered in a Homeless shelter in Atlanta for recovering Drug Addicts. I would volunteer to clean up the Atlanta Motor Speedway after a race (that is DISGUSTING!), I have volunteered to clean up rivers and creeks as a teenager. As an adult I have ran a mommy group since my oldest was 6 months old and Bella's Mommy Chat is 11 years old going strong :) Why do I consider this a volunteer activity because I believe I have helped many young mothers through the loneliness and difficulty of having a new baby. When I was in the thick of my "first life" I had Department Family and Children Services examining every move I made, They had me in a job program where I had to get a job, daycare assistance, Medicaid, Food Stamps, WIC, and Temporary Assistance for Needy Families. I have had all the assistance they can give me... the good and the bad. They believed I was doing volunteer work through Bella's Mommy Chat and PAID me until I had a regular paying job. I also volunteered at Tallatoona CAP to help Low Income families get heating costs met, medicines, and food. Once I became an Army Wife I did volunteer at Army Community Service. I didn't get to do much but I wanted to do so much more. I helped out with the Waiting Spouses. Waiting Spouses are those spouses who have husband's that are geographically separated. I was also like an FRG Leader/Point of Contact for my husband's MITT team. I was the go to girl for the whole Tennessee and Alabama area :)

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Carpe diem - the time I actually seized the day.

Should I start by telling a Thelma and Louise or a Bonnie and Clyde type story.. Sharing a bunch of pictures of our journey. It really didn't happen with all the thrill and excitement that Hollywood gives us. My Louise to my Thelma they were not with me but I thought maybe they were supporting me from the comfort of their homes in Florida and New York. My "Brad Pitt" wasn't in a convertible but it was a rusty old Geo Metro oh and we had a four year old stow away. The day I said Carpe Diem knowing I was giving up a whole branch of my family tree... just chopping it right down. Leaving behind the world I created in Georgia when just months earlier I swore I would never leave as long as Mackenzie was stuck there. In 24 short hours I decided to wrap the scarf around my neck grab my 4 year old by the hand and just jumped into the abyss without looking. Believe it or not the 4 hour car ride to Huntsville wasn't filled with awkward silences. I was in lust or love with my prince charming we seemed to mesh like Peanut Butter and Jelly. We had just met in person less than 48 hours earlier but we KNEW each other in such a deeper meaning and way we drove into our future without looking in the rear view mirror

Boy you sure look good there standin' in the doorway in the sunset light

Maybe I read you wrong thinkin' you could be my Mr. Right

I was puttin' my heart and soul on the line

Said you needed some time, just a little more time to make up your mind

Well it's been long enough

Time is up

Bye bye love I'll catch you later

Got a left foot down on my accelerator and the rear view mirror torn off

I ain't never lookin' back and that's a fact

I've tried all I can imagine

I've begged and pleaded in true lover's fashion

I've got pride I'm takin' it for a ride

Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye

Don't think all those tears are gonna hold me here like they've done before

You'll find what's left of us in a cloud of dust on highway 4

Baby what did you expect me to do

Just sit around and wait on you

Well I'm through watchin' you just skate around the truth

And I know it sounds trite

I've seen the light

Bye bye love I'll catch you later

Got a left foot down on my accelerator and the rear view mirror torn off

'Cause I ain't never lookin' back, and that's a fact

I've tried all I can imagine

I've begged and pleaded in true lover's fashion

I've got pride I'm takin' it for a ride

Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye

I'd lost the game I guess

I did my best to win the part

Now I'm leavin' here with what's left of my heart

Bye bye, I'll catch you later

Got a left foot down on my accelerator and the rear view mirror torn off

'Cause I ain't never lookin' back you can count on that

I've tried all I can imagine

I've begged and pleaded in true lover's fashion

I've got pride I'm takin' it for a ride

Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye

Bye bye

Oh baby


Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye


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Tuesday, February 7, 2012

I hate you words with friends

I try to post things that interest me on my blogs and on Facebook. Anyone that is a Facebook friend of mine knows my feed is filled with news articles and discussions that interest me or others. So this Rants from the Mommyland bloggy friend of mine posted a hilarious blog on my feed this morning and I wanted to share

Monday, February 6, 2012


Decision Pictures, Images and Photos I lead my life with my heart whether it be wrong or right its how I roll... Some people may have thought that it was a tough decision on leaving Georgia but it wasn't I trusted my instincts. Was it a tough decision marrying Rick with just living with him two short weeks? No! I dated my first husband a year and got married with the formal wedding and all that just to be a victim of domestic violence and sexual abuse. I always had second thoughts even standing at my reception wondering about my first love and if I was making the right decision on leaving him behind. I said I would never marry again if I had doubt. I dated my ex for five years and I wasn't ready to have kids or marry him. I am glad I never did. So I moved in...new to Huntsville... new to Army life and married into it in about two short weeks and no regrets. I don't live life by regrets. As they say at one time it was what you wanted. It wasn't a tough decision for me. It wasn't impulsive either. I did think about it A LOT! The tough decision of my life has had to do with other things I am just not ready to open up about. For one it involves someone that is no longer on Earth and I don't believe in bringing it up. I will tell you about one tough decision I made. I was separated from my first husband living in one of those hotel's you pay by the week, pregnant, working at Waffle House, sicker than a dog. I had horrible morning sickness. My Guardian wanted me to give up my baby for adoption. I had a family picked out. My friend April's sister wanted my little girl. My biological mother told me I wouldn't DARE adopt out a baby outside of our family that I should just give it to my sister. My Guardian argued she would disown me. It was a nightmare. I urge you to NEVER EVER EVER do this to your child. PLEASE do not give your child ultimatums when it comes to the hardest decision of their lives on whether or not to parent. YOU do not have to deal with the guilt on the decision. THEY do. I was so sick with morning sickness, kidney infections over and over again. I couldn't work so I couldn't pay my rent and I was so worried about how I was going to pay bills during Maternity Leave. Its not like Waffle House pays you haha. I had the other waitress' stealing my tips anyways. I had a homeless woman get another customer to pay my rent. I saw my husband and he said you can't give up this baby and he suggested even naming it Tristan if it is a boy. At the time I barely got to see my beautiful son and I made a promise to my daughter that I would keep her and I wouldn't depend on anyone else to support her and any of her dreams and needs would be met by me. I owe her so much. Skylar and I will always have that amazing bond because of one really tough decision.

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Words people use incorrectly

I do believe every word in my title should be capitalized....


Now I am not a stickler for words, grammar, or spelling. My friend Danielle even calls herself the typo queen. She is thankful for her Iphone has auto correct. I have always been pretty good about reading through her typo's so it couldn't have been that bad.

I am not the type to correct your spelling or grammar EVERY time. My step son does that and it drives me crazy. I don't understand the purpose of doing it ALL the time. If the person cared then they would speak correctly like a well educated snob. I don't type things out most of the time. I am a short hand junkie I admit it. I have used AOL and been in too many chat rooms for too long and over use LOL (laugh out loud). I don't like spelling probably so your more than likely to get a "prolly" out of me. If you look at my phone in my text messages very few words are shortened however. I even tend to type out numbers as one, two, etc. I have always believed "alot" is a word but I have made it my New Years resolution to use it as two. I honestly have to slow down and think between "there", "their", and "they're". Yes I try to use them correctly. I have a hard time spelling "maintenance" for some reason. I don't like to say out loud specifically because I can't pronounce it right in my opinion and never have been able to. I am a southern gal and I say "ya'll" and I always will. "You all" just seems like a waste... notice I didn't say waist. I was writing an email today to my Scentsy Consultant and I was discussing "scents" that I "sent" to my sister but it came out I "scent" to my sister. I caught my mistake after I hit send (I am a bit quick at hitting send). I corrected my mistake and had a laugh over it. Interested in Scentsy? Growing up when I would ask my guardian "Where is Mom at?" His reply would always be "Behind the at!" Oh it drove me crazy but it broke the habit... most of the time. I would tell the dogs growing up "Go lay down!". My guardian would tell me it is "lie" down so now I am busy telling Rick that it is "lie" but he probably thinks I am lying haha. I admit I don't know how to use "who" or "whom" and I might use either at anytime. I do think saying um um can be annoying and makes you look uneducated. When I talk to people online and they constantly hit the ";" or the ">;" or even the "/" instead of the key that is right next to it. How often do you miss the same key on your own keyboard? I don't care how often you type it the semi colon will never turn into an "L."Are you not coordinated enough to use the shift key and the question mark at the same time? Another one that I do correct is "Im" At least your capitalizing the "I" but its either "I'm" or "I am" and I often see I am used as Im. Just look at it and its incorrect. I know a person that says I "wood" go to the store but I am out of gas. When corrected he gets angry. He also said the sink "skirts" instead of squirts. I think sometimes when you misspell or mispronounce a word and you know its incorrect you just want to remain ignorant. The conversation with these people can quickly become like the Who's on First joke.

You might find it interesting that my school picked our senior slogan as "Class of '97 Enuff Said'"
I might get anxious but that doesn't mean I am nervous even though my nerves may be shot. Nervous and Anxious doesn't always go hand and hand.

I do love my kid-isms for their words however. When Skylar was a toddler she would say.. "I hope you deel bebber", "Bam Bam" for band aid, "Bee na" for Banana... I miss that!
William has been very good at using the actual terms for everything and not speaking baby. The only baby word he has for anything is his "sissy cup" or his "bubba"... how I detest and despised that word before it came out of his sweet little mouth. Oh yeah and our cat Cocoa is a Dodo of course I have called her Caca by Freudian slip myself!

Oh Gee! I capitalize words in the middle of the sentence

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