Friday, November 18, 2011

How do you deal with that kind of news?

When Rick and I first got together he was super attentive hung on my every word. People would compliment us about how they could see the love between us. EVEN deployed he spent every second he could online... on webcam with me which was actually quite a lot. Because of the time difference we were kind of on opposite schedules he would sleep while I was busy with my day and while I was sleeping he would work. He was super attentive and all the good stuff you hear about when someone is wooing or the honeymoon period. Then when he got  home from Iraq I felt like I lost my best friend. That my best friend had left that piece of himself in Iraq. For the past three years he has been home its been very hard to deal with. We've been going through counseling off and on due to a therapist being very ill.  Now we've been going to the Veterans Affairs Counselling and she seems to be helping. She had him tested for ADD and she said she hasn't seen an adult squirm that much ever... She said when people with ADD have a new toy (ie me) they do tend to hyper focus on it. So in other words the newness has worn off and now I am just a dusty ole toy that can be donated to Good Will. How does one deal with a marriage like that? How should I take that kind of news? That I will never have the man I fell in love with back? I guess I could find a new man in him (not outside the marriage) and try to love what I got as much as I loved that man that I sent to Iraq and he never came back. I mean people who have husbands that have severe PTSD, amnesia, TBI and other things like that have to deal with this... Why is it such a blow to me?

On top of that God trusts me enough to deal with that but also James and Alex. God doesn't give more than you can handle but this is one plate brimming with blessings I can use a lighter load lol.  

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My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. ~~~ Maya Angelou

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