Tuesday, May 17, 2011


Do you believe "Once a cheater always a cheater?"
What do you think about people in the military and cheating? 
How about people that seem to cheat from the start of their marriage? That are never faithful.
What about celebrities and their unfaithfulness like recently with Arnold Schwarzenegger? What are your thoughts?

I had a facebook friend post this article about unfaithfulness and wanted to give my thoughts and theories to unfaithfulness. This is just what I have learned.

I have come from the school of theory that once a cheater isn't always a cheater... Does that mean you should jump into a relationship with someone who has a past of serial infidelity? Probably not. I am of the type of person that does believe in second chances. Some people are young, naive and stupid. I got married the first time really young at just 19 -- kids don't try this at home. Some people may be mature enough to handle it but for me I was wild and rebellious. At first I respected my friend who then became my husband Adam. He did teach me a lot about being a grown up that I didn't learn at home. He took a stern hand that I seemed to have missed. So I thought I was supposed to marry him. Sure enough my adopted mother who pushing that I shouldn't be living in sin with this man and I should marry him to make it right. All along there was someone in the back of my head -- my first love-- that I wasn't completely over. I was raised in the church of God but at 19 I wasn't as dedicated to my faith as I was in later years. Did I cheat on Adam with my first love? No... not at all. But I was young and naive and not over him so I couldn't totally commit my heart to Adam. Adam became abusive and we both made our mistakes. He had a serious porn addiction and would mess around with exotic dancers. We grew apart, the abuse got really bad where it affected my then 1 year old Mackenzie and I left. Before we could divorce he passed away.
Now think back how many of you were like that... dumb, naive, and head strong. I think a lot of us as teens and young adults are head strong or we wouldn't have "Engaged and Underage", "16 and Pregnant", and "Teen Mom"... even the one about dating called "Parental Control". Not everyone is out of control and naive... some adults are responsible and rely heavily on their faith and very mature. I was not one of them and I think Adam at 25 wasn't either. He never grew up. He used to play with his Star Wars figures and Transformers and would rather buy toys and porn than things for his newborn son. If he was alive today does that mean he wouldn't be different? Does that mean I am still naive and dumb? Sure I can still be naive about somethings but I am certainly a lot more mature and I know now that negative attention isn't good attention. At the time that's what I sought out... any attention from males was favorable. Its just not true. I think eventually Adam may have grown up and gotten mature and I would have hoped he would have gotten right with God but at the time of his death as far as I knew he wasn't at all a very good Christian. 

Doesn't everyone deserve second chances or do you condemn them? 3 Doors Down has a song that goes "Your mistakes do not define you now they tell you who you are not". I don't think people should be judged solely on their mistakes. We aren't perfect, we are human... born in sin, flawed, and imperfect. We have to scrape our knees many times before we learn how to ride a bike. It doesn't come naturally. Nor does much of anything else, we aren't so lucky. The beauty about mistakes is we can try and make them better. We can prove that that isn't who we are and prove we are a better person. People who cheat in a marriage can go to have a happy marriage either with the spouse they cheated on or with another. Trust can be regained (gained).  Strength can be rebuilt. 

How can once a cheater always be a cheater if say a person cheated and they weren't a Christian and then they found God and they knew they made a mistake but now they are saved and all is forgiven (at least from God). 

I can tell you I know someone who watched someone spread around HIV like it was nothing and that really turned on a light bulb in their head to not go around having sex.. Christian or not. Its disgusting. That's why we have such a epidemic of HIV is because people aren't using protection or being more careful when choosing partners.

Years ago I got a Yahoo Instant message from a girl who said. Who are you and why are you F'ing my husband? I am like excuse me? I was in a committed relationship and I wasn't cheating on him. I explained that to her and she said well your on my husband's Yahoo Buddy List and I wondered who you are. After looking at his profile I told her I didn't know who he was but maybe he planned on contacting me for something. I wasn't sure. She's like yeah okay well you want to be friends? **weird** As I got to know this girl. Her husband was openly cheating on her. They would fight and she would take her son Cameron to go stay at her mother's house. She would come home to find all her stuff and all the family pictures taken down and thrown into her son's room. Her husband then had confession. I went with so and so (a female) and we went to the movies and she came here to stay the night... Yeah I wasn't in bed with this guy but I am willing to be there is a 75% chance he cheated! This became a trend with the two of them she would always catch him flirting online, watching porn, he wouldn't sleep with her, and all his online profiles said "single" and he wouldn't give her any of the passwords. There were all the signs but this girl never admitted to herself he was cheating.

So why do people cheat? I think some people cheat because they don't have self respect or self control. They weren't taught to respect themselves or anyone else in some cases. I think some people cheat because their significant other lets them get away with it. I think some people cheat because they crave attention and if they can't get attention they want from their significant other then they will search elsewhere. Some people probably cheat just as a way to end things without just saying I am done. They aren't assertive or honest with the other person and just say I want a divorce or whatever. They want to be caught. Some people cheat because they never intended to be committed. 

I see it on Facebook nearly every day. I am sorry to use the military as an example but that's where I see it because that's where I am plugged in (kwim?)... Not EVERYONE in the military cheats but we all know some branches have this stigma of getting a girl while your in that town then ditching her the moment its time to move on. We all know that there is a high percentage of infidelity in the military due to separations on both the spouse and the service members part. But I get this email or news feed quite a bit on Facebook from a certain demographic. I caught my man on a dating site. I am not sure or not if he is emailing women but I keep deleting his profile and he keeps adding them back especially when he gets deployed. I caught him really emailing some girl and they planned on meeting but I just can't leave him... 

Duh honey if it quacks like a duck, waddles like a duck, and scratches his butt like he has fleas he is a grade a dawg.... He's cheating on you wake up and smell the Starbucks!

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