On a recent blog of mine. The Friday Fill- In. The question was what makes a great friend. Well there is so many qualifications to be a great friend of mine and the application you MUST fill out and to be approved by 3 non biased members and signed by a Notary... In order to be my new Great Friend... just kidding
But what I am not kidding about is the drama I have gone through over the past 4 years dealing with friends.Big Girls Don't Cry
Of course when I married my husband I went from one life style to a new one. Everything about me changed except the kind of friend I am and the kind of mother I am. I started meeting new people in my new State on a new Post. I started hanging around with Air Force Service Members, Army Wifes, and a few Marine Wives. I joined a Military Wives meet up group. I tried to participate and give my input... That wasn't good enough for the owner who thought I was trying to over take her. She quit running the group and it switched hands twice before it landed in my lap. I made friends with someone who contacted me on Myspace that was a new Army Wife who had a toddler and was pregnant with her second child while her husband was sent to Korea. We became friends and we were stuck like glue. I often neglected my other friends to hang out with her. We spent a lot of moments together... our husbands joked we should just live together and save on someones BAH. 4 days straight of Greys Anatomy Marathons. I watched her toddler when she had her baby, I watched her toddler when we went to Wal-Mart. I basically was the on call Nanny. I even made a promise to her husband to take care of her while he was gone. Then things unraveled with her as well and I got the ugliest Dear John Letter. Apparently Army Wives are good at them because it wasn't the last one I would receive. Again my trust was broken and beaten. My husband was gone and I had it seemed no body. I spoke to the owner of the meet up group (the one with the insecurities) that my participation would be limited due to the lack of friendship with that person. That the person just wanted me to be more independant and drive myself places instead of depending on her. I didn't say anything about what went down. I didn't gossip. I just left it matter of fact. Instead I got.... DON'T BRING DRAMA IN MY GROUP... apparently she already talked to her.
I picked myself up and moved on. A new friend came into my life and she just happened to be mutual friends with the ex friend... I try to stay away from that because I don't know what ideas and thoughts were planted inside their head. So I broke it down for the new girl. She said she would NEVER be like that. We were both pretty bold, blunt, honest (at least I thought with each other), and we were close for the remainder of my husband's deployment. She was my Pamela to her Roxy. Again she was there for me I thought. Eventually it became a roller coaster from hell. I stayed on it because that's what friends do. Just like Roxy did for Pamela on Army Wives. As my husband came home she struggled with the thought of my husband being home and not hers. I saw her pull away from other friends who had their husbands. Misery loves company I guess? Maybe its my own insecurity but I saw her get jealous of my time with my husband like Olenka did. Even my husband mentioned its like she thought we were married. We stayed friends for awhile... again her husband thinks kind things of me and entrusted me with his son and his wife. His wife and I don't speak anymore due to some unthinkable things that went down and I am just not going to open myself up to that anymore or talk about it. Eventually the drama became its own and other people got involved that shouldn't have and I felt a cold shoulder for the Military community as a whole. My husband retired but that didn't make me any less of a Military Wife. During this time I got a second Dear John Letter addressed to my Mommy Group about me from someone I wasn't particularly close with but I had made friends with that believed the lies... I'm currently working on forgiving her but I choose to not associate with her or anyone involved with that. For a 30 year old something woman you sure did act very mature!
As we are settling into yet another new chapter in my life.. Okay I do have to say as a Civilian outside of the Military World you go through several chapters in your life but rarely are the chapters so different you almost need a new book! In the Military I have been faced with new chapters in my life that took as many twists and turns as a suspense novel. As Rick, the kids and I settle into life outside of the Military. I am ready to make friends with Civilians again who aren't going to leave me as soon as we get close. I even searched online for a Mobility Statement Contract that I could alter into a NON Mobility Statement :)
I found myself in a mommy group with situations where people claimed to be my friend but quickly I found the sting of a knife in my back. They only came around when they needed me. When I was sick for months I didn't hear anything from them. The only time I hear from some people like this is when they HAVE to or when I call them (or message, email whatever).
Since I met my husband I have grown up more than I had as a new mother, a person who is responsible for one's own self, more than I did the first decade of adulthood. I have probably had a lot more people turn their back on me and show me their true skin that anyone should ever have to deal with that rejection and judgement. Not just from so called friends but family that can't just be honest with me... instead I get silence and coldness.
I still remain strong that there are some people out there worthy of my trust and I have two friends that are close but they live in different states. I still go to the Military Play Group when I can. I still keep in touch with Military Wives even though I feel scorned. I am still hurt and mostly remain at home through my days just to avoid the drama, the stares, the rude behavior... Or a chance run in with some. I'd rather not actually.