Thursday, February 24, 2011

30 Days of Truth Day 10 Someone you need to let go or wish you didn't know

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
I am not going to name any names in this post because I suppose that would just be cruel or something. If I were ready to let this person or people go then I would. Over the past 6 months I have had to let go of a few people. It was EXTREMELY hard. It has become an intensive topic through therapy for years. My need to be bluntly honest with people but at the same time when someone is giving me grief or just not doing me right I can't say hey... that's not kosher... I have a problem sticking up for myself I guess. I don't take shit from strangers or people I am in a romantic relationship with but if your my friend I just deal with the bad and plead for something good. Even if the friendship is poisonous and self serving to the other person. I tend to land myself in unhealthy relationships. I couldn't define a good relationship I have been in. I treasure the relationship I had with my Grandfather but that is about it. Most other relationships I am in have their own poison. There is someone in my life over the past 6 months I have been teased, gossiped about, talked about behind my back, used, and the occasional oh hey there you do exist..

Then there is a person that I probably am unhealthy for HER not the other way around. She has her own issues and I just don't tolerate them well. I think she's not too bright and seeks attention. A few people just tend to whine more than be positive. I may bitch a lot about my life too but nothing gets me down for long. I mean hello here I am with 10% of my vision typing this post to you. My eye hurts like freaking hell but I am not boohooing about it. I wish I had oral medication for pain and I am probably abusing my motrin bottle this week. I will pay for that later. But I am here. I am not laying on my back crying about why me... I am bigger than that. God has bigger things for me to deal with. I don't need to boohoo about the why so and so doesn't like me, why can't she or he just be honest with me and tell me what's on their mind. But that's not a ME problem its a THEM problem if they can't be honest with themselves about why they gossip and why they have the waahhhmbulance. I am a big girl and I put my big girl panties on and I am dealing with it!

People can judge me because most of my online friendships I haven't met yet we have remained friends since I can remember. Some are as deep as ten years. Nothing is fake or topical with them. They were there for the late night scared to death phone calls when I was being beaten, the ones from the homeless shelter, the one when my own family walked out. Some true I have never met them but I know all about them as they do me! Some of my online friends would give me away at my wedding yet my real life friends I can not even depend on to show up. Judge all you want!

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