Tuesday, April 22, 2008

No Air

As you can see this is one of my most recent favorite songs. I have found my layout and page by one of my favorite Layout Artists :) This song fit perfectly for how I have been feeling dealing with this deployment.

The quote for us Army Wife's is the toughest job in the Army. I don't think its the toughest. I know what the soldiers go through when they were deployed. A lot of times they go through deployment without any kind of support. Even in our situation here I am and I have my kids to kiss and hug when I need it. Granted I don't hug or kiss James but he gives his emotional support in his own ways. Skylar keeps me plenty busy as well. So if you listen to the lyrics of the song the female artist is Jordin Sparks and the male artist is Chris Brown and I can imagine Rick feels a lot of the same emotions but in a different way.

On opposite sides of the world we are feeling the same emotions and just wanting to be with each other.

On the home front I am feeling like I am living each day with no air. I struggle to go to sleep and I struggle to begin my new day. Each day I begin I miss his presence. I miss waking up next to him there is something special about waking up to the person you long for, you love, your devoted to each day. That should never be taken for granted. How many of you can honestly say you know what it feels like to crave the touch of your soul mate. Some of you are single and I know you would love to be touched and loved. But when my husband shows me affection simply by placing his hand on the small of my back as I work or wipes away my tears. While he is deployed it leaves such a deep emptiness. Lets not forget we have to stay strong for our men over seas. I take this to a different level than I have noticed from others. I have to be strong for my kids. If Skylar see's me cry she gets very upset. Even James, James who is sensitive doesn't like "reality" He doesn't' like being faced with it and I shouldn't burden him with my reality. Everyday I have my burdens, my stress, my realities, my fears and I live with them alone. At least I can talk to my friends understanding or not they come out. What do the soldiers get? I know my husband is very unsocialable and doesn't have a good support system with him. How does he feel? Does he feel like there is a piece of him missing? Does he feel like most days its just hard to breathe?

While Rick is deployed James will start college, Alex has left for his own adventure into life joining the Army and going to Korea. Skylar has lost teeth and will beginning Kindergarten. All of these milestones are important in a child's life. I have missed some milestones in Mackenzie's life I will never get back and that has left me with a memory I will never forget. To not take life for granted and cherish each little second of it. That second may change your life. I get to play the role of both parents in a way. I had to stand by Alex as he waited for his cab to take him to the airport. I have to help James with all his paperwork for college. I have been there for everyone of Skylar's scrapes and cuts. I will be there on her first day of school. Her Ballet recital is coming up and I will be there alone. I will be working hard to make it her day but wished that Rick could be there to see her big day. So I can complain this deployment sucks but it sucks for him as well in so many ways. I have watched a soldier miss the birth of his daughter and soldiers every day miss the birthdays, holidays, anniversaries. Who am I to complain? I have my friends and family to surround me in good times and in bad. Who do they have out there? Who do they have to give them support when they had a bad day. When they are hot or sick? Soldiers don't get that. Soldiers struggle too. They struggle with the change in their life. Watching countries they are trying to help just can effect them on a deeper level than we can understand. All we can do is sympathize and listen. Remember even if they did have someone to talk to they can't about so many things.

Although us wives feel like there are days when we are stuck with the hardest job in the Army just think how long could you go without kissing and hugging your children? How long could you go without sleep and clean water? How would you make it closed off from most of the world? We both live with "No Air"

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