Tuesday, April 22, 2008


 Rick and I were talking before he went to bed and he said I was better than expected but he wasn't sure of what he expected so then he avoided my conversation by turning the tables so I wrote him this email.

Rick says:

 What Did you expect from me

What did I expect from you? From the moment 'go' I was on cloud 9 begging to be pulled down back into reality. I didn't want to walk blinded. I didn't want to jump head first into something. Coming out of something so quickly. I didn't want to be hurt. Unfortunately I was down on guys and I had my opportunities with many guys other than you. I didn't want those opportunities though. I wanted my love story as I said in my blog the other day. I wouldn't settle for anything less. I don't deserve less and my kids don't deserve less. I took a chance with him and he blew that shit straight out of the water. So if it wasn't apparently from the beginning then I wasn't going to jump in the water if it didn't appear hot as hell. I know when it comes to being on Cloud 9 the water can be a little foggy and hard to judge hence why I was asking to be pulled down to view the outlook a little more clearer. So sitting in my townhouse. Giddy and Giggling to my "best friends" about this guy like I was a girl with a teenage crush. I found myself a girl with a teenage crush with the appetite and a big heart enough to fall in love.  However Bella having the experience that I have. As Chris used to describe me as being male trapped into a female's body.. Hehe. I am cynical. I have my doubts which turn into fear which turns into ugly. I pretty much know what a typical man wants, a man expects. Low and behold your not that typical guy. You know I knew Doug and Chris for a long time and yet they still gave me that weary vibe that I needed to not fall for them or even come close. If you could only understand what I mean. As for you Soldiers do have a reputation at least from what I know. I did have an online boyfriend that was a Marine. Then there was that first phone call between us. Yes that more than average phone call. I wouldn't brag about to my friends lmao. Typical male. Kristin kept me grounded in a way while still telling me there was no rescue boat leaving cloud 9. She felt kismet. She knew it was right. But she reminded me of the big PLAN. THe BIG MISSION! So as long as I kept reminding myself of our meeting in Adairsville. Then there wouldn't be a disappointment. Devoted to the mission. Plus there was the whole I won't marry a soldier and live the Army Life. I won't live in Alabama thing that I had tied to my head since a young child. You have no idea. Haha. Stick to the mission Bella. Just stick to your mission

What did I expect out of our first "date". I was falling in love with you already Rick. I was head over heels before we met. There was just the chemistry in person thing missing. There was the missing pieces of our kids. Everything else was in place. However there wasn't much of an expectation because we had talked about what was going to happen. Just seeing how we would connect. Seeing how your such a big fat liar that you didn't look anything like your picture and you were a Serial Killer instead of a Soldier. What's a couple of letters difference? LOL.

What did I expect from you as a person? I expected you to be yourself whether we would have chemistry or not. I expected you to come as you are. I am lucky how you were gift wrapped. I wanted you to come as you are. I wanted you to be honest with me. I wanted you to be open to me. Open minded and as well as not have too many walls up. Less drama than me would have been nice and to top it off with cherries and sprinkles you could like me for who I am and neither of us could want each other to change.

What did I expect from you as a husband? Walking down the aisle. I wanted you to be sure as rain and as predictable too! Haha. I wanted you to be as sure as I was. No doubts. No doubts at all. I promised myself that after the last one was such a mistake even in the beginning something told me and I knew that getting married to Adam was wrong. The only way it was right was teaching me how to be married to the one who was right.

What do I expect from you now as my husband? To work real hard together. The work isn't near as hard as when we work together. We need to compromise. We need to listen, be understanding, communication. Being a good husband means being a good friend and a good father. A Good husband is a good provider. A Good husband not only provides when and if he can but he provides just as much emotionally and physically.

Sometime ago I made this blog http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-yvgtPckodLO69P8vvbcPvxmxj3xu_XUTk6Su?p=303 I thought I would republish once I read my comments. Now hmm :) I don't think you need an instruction manual yet.

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