I am coming to the realization that some people just don't understand the passion I have for my husband and the passion he has for me. Nor do I think this is blind passion that it will eventually end. I am most definately not in love with this deployment. The passion hasn't grown because he is gone although distance makes the heart grow fonder it also takes alot more effort to keep our passion alive. I see this type of passion in a close friend of mine who's husband is also over seas. Sometimes she will say something to me and I will agree or vice versa. It makes plenty of sense to us. We watch our favorite show Greys Anatomy (explanation for my absence from my online life) and we will laugh at how men are royal screw ups at times. They are famous for putting their foot in their mouth. Yet apparently they make better Presidents?
So I chose this video to blog with because its a song that has alot of meaning to me. Granted the song talks about an affair from the mistresses point of view. But to me its my words from my heart as I am the Mistress and the Army is his home, his life...
I am just a few days away from celebrating my first year of being a survivor... from the Army Life. So I have no idea how people like my sister survive this life for 20 years. I am sure there are some wives that have an intense passion for their husband still after 20 years. As well as I do realize it evolves to different levels. Some wives however loose their fire and passion. Maybe because they can't handle the seperations, long hours, and their husbands dedication to being part of the military. The ole quote if the Army wanted you to have a wife they would issue you one. Should be included in something formal lol. Because its very true.
I do think this will be my one and only deployment. I do not think I could do so well on a second. Although I know if I lived through our first year of our marriage seperated we would make it through several more. MY love is strong enough, Passionate enough for my husband. I also can look back on any conflicts and say hey this stuff is nothing I made it through the deployment.
Perhaps I am counting my chickens before they hatched I still have 9 months to go.
Back to a Greys Reference... Addison told Derek look your dating a 16 year old. I am so sure people think that to Rick... There is an age difference. But it makes no difference to us. So what if I am young. My body nor my maturity is. I have been widowed, left alone, abandoned. I am wiser than my age. I've gone through so much more than the average 40 year old has. One difference? I learn from my mistakes. I learn that cheating is never ok but you if it happens you work it out and stop doing it because its insane. I have learned how to keep the fire and passion as long as both of you are willing to work on it. It does take two to make a marriage work but perhaps at times its 70/30. Sometimes you work really hard at keeping it 50/50. Rick can't always be a rock although he never shows his weakness, I sense it. I know I am hardly ever a stone cold Rock but I am always supportive in my emotional distress. That is something else I have to learn. I am alot like Meredith in many ways from Greys Anatomy. However there are parts of me that still need to mature. I have alot to learn. At the point in your life where you no longer think you have something to learn then you loose everything you have ever learned. We all have different stages of life. At this stage, Rick and I are ready to do this. Ready to be a family, ready to be married, ready to take on the Army fully (with commitments and standards etc). Our dedication to all three is unwaivering. Give me hell for it? Go ahead! Who are you to judge us?
"Always be Yourself, Because the people that matter don't mind. Those who mind don't matter."
My husband and I still do old fashioned love letters. Poetry etc. We send emails, messages, and texts.
From Rick. " My Wife, My Life, My World"
From me. " I am conpletely in love with you and only you."
We love to take donuts down to the River and watch the sunrise, We love to just sit on the porch and hold hands, take steamy showers together, take drives and just laugh and kick back and enjoy our time together. Cuddling in bed with a book or a movie is just fine with us. I love the feeling I get when he touches my back as I work on the computer.
How often does strangers, family and friends say to you. You can see the love between you by the way you look at each other. Dammit we are Ooozing in love... People think we are going to fall on our asses. Somethings you just shouldn't question or doubt.
Recently I wrote him a letter about Why me? Yes my insecurity doesn't know how I fit in his world. But the soul tells me everything fits like ying and Yang. My soul and heart tell me Love isn't to be explained, questioned.
Two paragraphs from this letter