Wednesday, November 7, 2007

What we go through..

I walk past James in the other room. I think to myself does he know really how hard this is as a wife or a mom? I can't show him its not fair. I can imagine how hard it is for him as a son. I mean it sucks for him to have his brother the person who is his best friend who has to go away and Rick where he is...

But I don't want to do this. I don't want to have to buy a car on my own, I don't want to have to know how to check Halloween Candy, I don't want to cuddle underneath Christmas Lights another year without Rick there with me. I don't want to do the Christmas shopping alone. I want him home!

So does James really know how tough this is? I don't think he can grasp the concept. What I wouldn't give if Rick can't come home for 6-9 months or even a year... if time could just stop. Sure I am strong enough to keep kicking living daily life but do I really have to do holidays and important things. I wrote Rick a letter tonight. I said sure this independance thing is what I needed and its healthy. But I don't want it. I don't want to live another day without my soul mate. Haven't I been away from him enough?

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