Wednesday, August 15, 2007

F'd Up Girl

Why does he have to leave me here? Can't it just be a damn good excuse oh yeah my wife has unintentional fear of abandonment? She's got mental issues. *sigh* I guess he married the girl with all the baggage that ISN'T good for military service. Of course he won't because duty to the Army comes first. I respect him for that but BITE ME! You see where this is heading? He asks as nicely as he can to send Iraqi troops care packages, my response BITE ME! Well honey they are protecting your husband... Yeah they can pretty much still BITE ME! I think God forgot to install the angel and devil on my shoulder. Instead of I have two sides of me... One side is like this is going to be a hard, but good learning experience. I gained everything I set out to gain. I wouldn't have gotten in the direction I was heading in Calhoun. I get a sense of self. I can better take care of my issues that I was dealing with. So many positive things. Then the other one of Mini Me's on my other shoulder. Just is screaming at me with so many emotions it blocks out postives. Or at least the coping mechanisms from the other mini me. I told Rick I have always consider myself ultra patriotic. I am the corny girl that cries during Lee Greenwood's song, the pledge of allegience and anything that has to do with god or my country. I even cried in the 5th grade I remember this clearly. We were in Music class and the teacher showed a slide show of JFK and Martin Luther King Jr's murders playing The Dance by Garth Brooks. What do you think I did? DUH I am a cry baby! I was raised in a house of conservative "christian" republicans. I was taught respect the President no matter what he's doing a job you nor I would do. My adopted father, my biological father, my uncle, my sister, and two brother in laws have all been Military... My brother in law had to spend a year in Iraq when my sister delivered twins. I have no pity on myself for what she had to go through. ANYWAY'S the point I am trying to get across is my sense of duty for my country as well. To give Military, The President, The country you give 100% of yourself after God. So why NOW am I having issues with this? HOWEVER I have no issues giving full support to my husband despite my emotions and even anger I struggle daily with. I push the abandoment issue aside and just keep on truckin. Army Wife has gotta be strong. Yeahhh like whatever! But I can always pretend...

Ah and rehashing what happened between Olenka and I and where Mackenzie was didn't help the MOOD at all.

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