* A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
* How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark
to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
* Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many
people a company can operate without.
* Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else
* Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
* No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
* There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM.
It could be a right number.
* No one ever says, "It's only a game," when his team is winning.
* Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
* The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
* If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at
* Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
* I've reached the age where happy hour is a nap.
* Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.
* The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size
* To err is human, to forgive -- highly unlikely.
* Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies
running around with tattoos? This is way scary.
* Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry
in a Corvette than in a Yugo.
* After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you
are probably dead.