What does one say in these sections? Oh I guess I sound like someone who likes to talk about themselves lol. If I met you on the street I would tell you my name is Bella. Eventually you would learn I am 32 years old. You could probably figure out I was married to Rick since Feb 2007. He has two older son's Alex and James. I have two children Mackenzie & Skylar and we have one together William. I have been blogging for oh probably the past 7 years or so. I have been dabbling in graphics using Paint Shop Pro and Adobe Photoshop for 11 years. I also enjoy photography, scrapbooking, reading, poetry, movies, music, pop culture. The Army Life (sometimes haha), fashion, animals... and more?
A Recap of this Week
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This week has been all kinds of crazy. For starters, we've had 3 earthquakes in the last few days. Two of which I've felt. The strongest has been 5.2 and it ...
Why a PCS Is Like Having a Baby
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‘Tis the season and many of my friends are preparing to PCS. Here are my
seven reasons why a PCS is similar to birthing babies. Maybe you can
relate, w...
Don't keel over yet, I have valuable advice--GI Bill
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One thing I have learned through this whole retirement process, is that no
one ever gives you the full story. That's frustrating because you miss out
on a...
The home buying adventure
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I had previously talked about my husband wanting to buy a home. I also
mentioned that I was super uncomfortable with this. Remember this?
We were pretty he...
Wow a lot of great movies are coming out next month... hmm to early for my birthday but if I don't get to see them then perhaps I could go see Phantom Menace in 3D, The Vow, or The Big Miracle, Maybe one of the Snow White movies. Titanic in 3D is coming out closer to my birthday. I love Tulips so I would like tulips for my birthday. Maybe a Scentsy. There a lot of things that are on my Christmas List that I want but we are working real hard to pay off bills from Christmas lol. The top things on my wish list are a Cricut, a DSLR, a New Purse, New Balance, Jewelry.... I have been doing a lot of buying for PSP so maybe those type of gifts maybe just a nice planned vacation or a car trip somewhere. I am good with exploring Nashville I would love this Carlo Biagi bracelet- we couldn't afford one like the one pictured or maybe just begin with getting beads to design it. I would love a similar bracelet or a charm bracelet with the hanging charms
I guess I may have to add and repost so Hubby see's it lol
I have PTSD. I have never been to war. I have only seen what apparently my eyes shouldn't have seen. It was just too much for my brain to cope with even after 10 years. In 2001 I was separated from my husband at the time because he was abusive. I lived with an almost stranger he was a very nice guy. I lived with Mack in a sleeping bag in his living room. No Drivers License, No Job, No Money and I just had what I left the homeless shelter on my back. I was trying to find a job wherever I could walk with Mackenzie on my hip. It was hard. I had my Guardian pressure me to let Adam see his son. I had turned off all the utilities to our shared apartment. I was down to a few diapers, $5, Mackenzie had an ear infection, and my other Guardian had passed away Fathers Day Weekend 2001. So I agreed to meet Adam and let him take Mackenzie to the pediatrician. I made an appointment. He was supposed to bring him back that Sunday (Father's Day). He never brought Mackenzie back. There is nothing the police would do because we had equal and shared custody since we were still married. There is nothing Child Protective Services or Department of Family and Children Services would do even though he was under investigation for the abuse and neglect. I needed a lawyer. I didn't have money for a lawyer. I didn't have support from my family or my Guardian. So I couldn't fight his rich family. After that I went through a series of supervised (by his mother's order) visits. I was invited into her home in her living room as an adult stood at every door, door way, and window. I wasn't allowed to hold him and I was treated like a criminal. I had no legal right to pick him up and take him out of the house. I was only allowed to see him because CPS/DFACS had let them know it was in his best interest (and Adam's my husband) to let me have visitation. That's the only time they would interfere. In 2003 Adam ended up passing away from a seizure in the middle of the night at his mother's house (supposedly) while he had Mackenzie with him. I found out a month later by subpoena that he died and they wanted to adopt Mackenzie. Again I still had no $5,000 for a lawyer... I still don't. In September 2003 I lost Mackenzie.
My world tumbled in a downward spiral thankfully by September 2003 I had an almost 1 year old daughter that had helped me stay above water from drowning. I fully believe that and faith that God knew what my plan was helped me through that year and several years after. In 2006 I broke up with an abusive man I was dating. He did drugs and drank and was emotionally abusive. In 2007 I was meeting my now husband for the first time and like a responsible mother I left my daughter who was 4 at this time, with my sister that I thought I could trust until I got the call that my ex had came and picked up Skylar and took her. He had no legal right to Skylar. He is not Skylar's father. He also stole my purse. I went to the police station to file a report on my missing ID etc we were out of jurisdiction for the "kidnapping". I didn't think they took it seriously. I went into the police station in the area where I lived. They agreed to drive me by the house... no one was there. They couldn't take me as far out as my ex's father's house. So we were sitting at the Sheriff's office for a time trying to take a next step (again does it sound like they took kidnapping seriously? Go Gordon County!) I got a call from my ex's uncle asking me if I called the cops on his nephew. I told them yes but I hadn't pressed charges yet so he agreed to bring her back. Skylar and my ex were in the woods hiding in the middle of the night. I got Skylar back and left the state and haven't looked back!
Were either of my children actually kidnapped and never seen again no? But most children are kidnapped by a loved one or someone they know. Were they taken away from me while I was powerless? YES!
I have a fear of my children being kidnapped. I am very protective. I am hyper attentive to them. I have PTSD. I control it REALLY well occasionally though I get an anxiety attack when I can't 1) access my child. If I don't know where they are or I can't touch them or see them. I freak out. 2) like any normal mother I hurt when they hurt. I turn into mother bear. I am told I would be crazy if I didn't react with my amount of protection. Jaycee Dugards of the world re-enforce my need to put GPS tracking on my kids. So my last Anxiety attack was the last time we went to marriage counseling but I didn't react I worked through it. The time before was the issue with the church and the time before that was over a year when the school doors were locked with CHILDREN inside. Normally the outer most doors are unlocked you can A) enter the lobby and talk to the receptionist through the window or use their little machine and MOST of the time the school office door is unlocked. The inner most doors STAY locked from the outside. Well the OUTER most doors are locked - which is probably against fire code. I went to the Cafeteria and those doors were unlocked but I was greeted by a chick I didn't know wearing street clothes and I was told I couldn't enter the building and I couldn't speak to my child. So I got back in the car kinda in shock and I told Rick who had been working for 24 hours straight so he wasn't all with it. A mile an a half to the house and I had him calling the school. Boy was I heated! Of course they just said maybe I didn't know how to open the doors myself LMAO. Untrue and covering their ass. There have been times when Skylar is doing something with a friend going to an event that I am not there that is not at their house and I am NOT okay but I am calm. Or a babysitter has them but doesn't check in I get nervous. Rick gets nervous. One time I had a close friend watching Skylar and she took Skylar to her aunts and I was a wreck but I didn't flip out on her I just said please bring her back because I didn't know where her aunt lived and I didn't know if I could drive there or not. So my worst fear is my PTSD. My only other major fear is driving in the dark and rain. I didn't get my drivers license until I was 27 and I get nervous when I drive sometimes. I am pretty strong in controlling that as well. I am afraid of being attacked but again I think that's just common sense to be aware of your surroundings and don't put yourself at risk if you don't have to. I don't let my fear control me with the except of one of the few times my PTSD hit so bad. Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real... a fear can be as simple as a big ole injured lazy lion with his big roar that can't do much but lay there and growl but from a distance it sounds scarier than it is. I don't let the devil win either. I believe that its just another way to make things weigh me down, loose hope, loose faith. I remain strong and I do believe I am being taken care of.
I write because most of the time it comes naturally to me.
I have written in one form or another since I was little.
I write because I have forgotten things I would have liked to have recorded in some way and shared perhaps only with Mackenzie. I write to record thoughts, feelings, events, pictures... etc.
I write for my children to share about their childhood unfortunately its the good and bad.
I write for Mackenzie for all of the time he missed and everything I want to share with him. I write for Mackenzie.
I have had a blog since my old life. I remember my first blog on Livejournal. Its still there
I have used Yahoo 360, Myspace, Xanga, Open Diary and other pages. Look here
I blogged then to vent I am sure my friends were tired of me nagging about one ex or another.
I still vent on my blog but I try not to get as deep as I used to. I wonder if that's why my comments and views went down since I became an Army Wife.
I have a blog to write my experiences as a wife, daughter, sister, friend, Army Wife, Army Mom, and mother to kids of all different ages. I write as my experiences dealing with Aspergers. I write with my experiences in my journey as being a spouse and step mom to someone in the Military. I write for those of who've dealt with depression or mental illness or any illness at all. I have. I have overcome challenges. I defy odds. I write for you if you can relate to being a widow, a new mom, a military wife, a military mom, I write for you.
I write because its an outlet. Its an outlet for me to express myself without laying my crazy head on some one's shoulder. I am very well aware that I am a lot to handle. The pure number of therapists and their exasperation at me wasn't my first hint. Very little people can handle all this so at least as I lay it out in a blog its in bits and pieces and you can tune me out, X out of my blog, and never come back. But I want you to come back. I love comments and feedback for the good and the bad (just not too bad okay?) I write for me.
I write because I am an emotional person. I am a talkative person. Its therapeutic for me to write.
Its therapeutic if I can read what I wrote and remember everything about that moment. There is comfort in my blog. In my home away from home
I write for the memories. Memories fade especially as you get to be elderly or you loose childhood memories as you grow so I write for my future self. I write for Alex, James, Skylar, Rick, and William.
I write because I have met many people over the years in my Mommy Support Group online and they like to hear about things I might forget to email. A lot of us have moved on from the email groups because our kids are growing up, we have started working, gotten busy or whatever the reason. Thanks to Facebook and my blog they still have a view into my life. I write for my Online Friends and Family. I write for my Mommy Group Friends.
I wrote while my husband was deployed so encase I didn't get to talk to him on the phone or I forgot to tell him something I would write and rant about my day to day on my blog as long as it wasn't too personal. I write for my husband. After all I owe my blog for introducing us ;)
I write because we are a military family. Being a military family the best way to share what is going on in my world with my extended family spread all out is to share it on my blog. I wish my mom had internet and a computer.. maybe soon. I write for Rick's family and my family.
I write because I wouldn't remember my cat's birthday's LOL. I blogged about when we got Tinker Bell and when we got Mittens.
I write on a blog because paper is too easily destroyed, misplaced, or worse. When I wrote things down in high school and middle school I used a special type of Five Star Notebook with the spiral on top. Do I have those now? No I wish I did even though my poems are probably embarrassing it was me at 15 & 16. I have been published I don't have any of that either. I write this because things are lost and forgotten.
I write this blog to inspire. Perhaps a new military wife will read this blog and realize she has the strength to survive a hard deployment. A single mom has the fight of fight left in her. A lost Christian can find their way back. A widow will learn it doesn't heal but it does get easier. I write to a mother who has lost her husband or her child as I have and just tell her to hold on. If I can educate one person with my experiences my blog has done what I want it to. I have survived child abuse, domestic violence, sexual assault, I've been widowed, lost the rights to my child, and I can survive two deployments! Go me! I write this blog to spread laughter. I am no comedian but I am sure something my kids have done is funny or perhaps a funny story or graphic made you smile.
I write on StormyAries Creationshttp://stormyariescreations.blogspot.com/ to show off. To teach. To keep track of what I do and what I create. To list ideas. To try new ideas. Its my creative side.
You know the saying don't judge a book by its cover. My book has many chapters and I have changed my "mask" several times in my life. No one stays the same I am sorry they don't. Everyone changes everytime they have a life experience that changes the way they think, emotional scars change how you trust and open up. Emotional scars can even close you off. I also wear many coats of many colors.. Some see me as a sinner, a bitch, an idiot, a weirdo, a mom, an Army Wife, a trophy wife, a daughter, a sister, an enemy, a wife, a lover, a soul mate, a child of God... No one may use the same word to describe me. No one knows me the same way either. I have known one of my best closest friends since our daughters were barely talking. Other friend's I have known longer than I have known my husband and some I haven't even met offline. Do they know more about me than my husband? Maybe not but they probably know things about me he doesn't. They've seen me homeless, they've seen me cry, they've stuck by my side at my lowest. I know I am not only going to be judged before God but I am probably judged everyday. People can form opinions on me but you know what they haven't walked in my shoes and they probably don't even know the journies I have been on. the milage my shoes have seen, the challenges I have sunk below and risen above. Some people even compare themselves to me. You can't do that, because no one has been where I've been. These people can try to understand or think they understand but they can only understand a thread of me that is woven into my soul.
Whether you've known me 1 year or my whole life don't judge me because you don't know me. Its human nature to judge others yet the Bible says not to. "Please excuse the mess I am a work in progress"
There are days when I feel like I am at my wits end. I close myself off from everyone. I may use my blog as an outlet or random Facebook status messages. The thing is anything I write or say may be superficial I may be feeling it at the moment but not truly mean it. Now that doesn't mean I don't stand for what I believe in. When I am passionate about something your not going to win a debate on it. I have put all my cards on my beliefs and I get serious about it.
If you know my story or I share a piece of me with you I am not looking for your pity party. I am not looking for your understand. I am not looking for your compassion although I think all humans need to be compassionate to others. I don't get "pity parties" Whoa is me.... F' that. No one wants to be around someone that constantly thinks their life is in ruins every minute of the day. I learned at 12 someone always has it suckier than you do. I was on my back I just had major Craniofacial surgery. My eyes were sewn shut, my face swollen like I got hit by a Mack Truck, **Graphic Picture Behind the Link** I had a quarter of an inch of hair and I was in a lot of pain. My mom brought in a baby less than a year old that just had the same surgery. Put things into perspective for me perhaps for the rest of my life. I can't say I wasn't dealt the best hand of cards. I am blessed to have had the life I have had even though parts of it sucked.. I've been abused, raped, and put through hell but each event in my life is a building block or the mortar of the foundation of who I am. Unless you have never missed a beat of my heart... You don't know me ALL of me.
The journey that is my life is the one that God has paved for me I will gladly sleep on a bed of nails, walk across broken glass, and put my hands in fire if that is what I had to do to be faithful.
I changed the name of my blog to the Misadventures of Bella's Second Life because I often feel like my old life is someone else's life or it feels like an out of body experience. This is my NEW me, This is the New Life, A new relationship, New family, New Opportunities, this is my second chance at the life I can make the best of so leaving the old life in 2007 and this is my Second Life. You don't know me and probably never will. But I can be a good friend and you can get to know me.
I guess the oddest ones I've heard were bare baby feet cause colic. My first husband's mother used to bitch at me if Mackenzie didn't have socks on and it was my fault he had colic... Now I was a first time mother but I had enough wits about me to say there can't be a connection. Of course she also harassed us about letting cats near babies because they will suck the air out or drink milk out of their mouths. First of all don't trust ANY animal 100% around your child. So I kept the cats for the most part out of the nursery for my first child. I had more of a problem getting the dogs away from the bottle nipples than the cats. I think its ridiculous to scare new moms with this wives tale.
Other wives tales that are annoying are the don't swallow bubble gum or watermelon seeds. How small are those little devils? To try and pick them out of your watermelons. Especially the white ones?
Don't sit near the TV you will fall it or go near sighted. Don't read with the lights off. Don't make faces you will stick that way... now on that note my plastic surgeon told me if you push your nose up it will form a weird piggy pudge lol so don't push the tip of your nose up!
I like black cats I don't think they are bad luck as much as they are carrying messages or signs for the rest of us. I worked at Children's Place 6 years ago or so and the store was closed and some of the employee's were just refolding clothes and cleaning the store up. We notice a stray black cat walk in front of the front door. (It was an Outlet store)... within minutes someone in the stock room was screaming. We went back there and they were all up on the table telling us there was a snake in the stock room. It was so funny! So some of the girls were saying the cat brought bad luck but what if the cat was warning us the snake was there? Hmmm!
Blalock Reservoir which I believe was part of my Grandfather's land and his lake. I believe what is pictured is the dam that separated it.
I don't think I have any pictures of my Grandfather or Grandmother all I have are my memories. Maybe one day I will be able to get copies of important photos. My Paternal Grandmother lived in Sun City California last I saw of her. My Grandma Harriett lived with her second husband the only Paternal Grandfather I have ever known his name is Donald. I remember my Grandma Harriett used to collect lots of dolls and my Grandpa had a special chair that he would let us occasionally sit in. I remembered that's where I learned to play Chinese Checkers and she had an awesome old organ like this oh and Grandma always wore wigs I don't know why I think they are dreadful. I remember Grandpa's blue and white full sized pick up. I bet it looked similar to this . I last saw my Grandma when I was 10 and she passed away from Diabetes when I was 18.
My maternal grandfather is one of my favorite people to ever walk this earth. I cherish him like I cherish my own children. My cousins and sisters called him Papa Bear. Papa Bear lived off of Noah's Ark Road in Jonesboro, Georgia with his second wife Nancy. My Grandma died when my mom was young. My Papa Bear owned a large farm. There was his single story farm house with a full or daylight basement and a fenced in front yard with a Mimosa tree we always climbed. Next to his house was one of the first houses on the property it was made with big five pound cinder blocks. I heard stories that my grandfather built that house himself and didn't have the brick home built until after he married Nancy and Nancy had three young daughters. So my Mom and Uncle lived in the Cinder Block house. My mom later lived there as an adult and I lived there too when I turned 18. I remember an elderly lady living there before. The Cinder Block House was a small two bedroom house with a living room, dining room, kitchen and one small bathroom. I remember the arch ways were awesome and my mom built a fence for her animals outside. The Brick house I believe had three bedrooms and one bath, a den, kitchen, and a great room. So many Thanksgivings and Christmas' It makes me teary eyed. The next "house" was a small mobile home. I think my Uncle Kenny lived in that house for a short while in my adolescence. Behind the trailer was another fenced in yard for the horses and chickens. He had a Horse stall and a chicken coop there. There was also another house I remember it was white and made of wood. I don't remember much about the house but I have vague memories of kids my age living there perhaps a cousin at one time. If you drive past the brick house and cinder block house there was a pasture for the cows and you go down through the pasture where there was a pig pen but it had long been abandoned by the time I was an adult. Papa Bear just grew some crops and raised cows for the most part. I also remember a very old pick up truck not far from the Pig Pen that Papa Bear left there to rot :). It was right there where you can see the beautiful lake. I used to go down to the lake to write my poetry as a teen and explore as a child. It was a refuge. I remember an old barrel boat rotting on the side of the lake too. Back to the white house. There was a road between the white house and the trailer home... You could follow the road to the place where Papa Bear kept the farm supplies I think it was in like two 18 wheeler trailers and he had some rabbit coops in there at one time. Through the big gates and it would lead you to the pastures I described above... if you continued down the road you would come upon a beautiful brown house that wasn't owned by Papa Bear. I don't remember talking much with the people that lived there. Go down toward the lake and there was a drive way that snaked up the far side of the lake and it was another house not owned by Papa Bear. I think it was also white and made of wood. At 18 I had a crush on the owners grandson. Boy was he bad news but it was like the song Strawberry Wine by Deanna Carter. I had a on again off again boyfriend too! I remember when I was younger before the city took the land for the
Reservoir There was land on one side of the lake that had tree's and creeks and we would have to be careful Uncle Kenny would kill the water moccasins. We would find snapping turtles and God only knows what else. I was always told that Papa Bear had planned on giving each grand child a piece of the bottoms for their own house... until they took it to build their ugly reservoir. There was a wooded area behind the lake that Papa Bear used to do some logging. That's where I lost my glasses and ooohwee I got in a lot of trouble! There was a picnic area we had a family reunion once. I remember fishing in a John Boat... riding in the back of Papa Bear's pick up to collect fishing fee's (before you needed a license I bet!) and empty the trash can barrels. So many fond memories of the farm. Not long before Papa Bear died he needed to sell the farm and fought so he wouldn't have to sell it to developers but in that area it was all subdivisions and growing out of farm country. He and (his brother's that owned neighboring farms) sold to the developers and now I bet the houses there sell for almost half a million dollars.
I was just writing this post and my 2 year old was hijacking my computer while I was on the phone with my husband and so I clicked save and before I know it he closed my browser (my 2 year old!) I came back and it wasn't in my drafts anymore- stinker!
These Blog Dare's are supposed to help with the writers block but sometimes they stump me. Like I was asked the question the other day, "What is the funniest thing that has ever happened to you?" I honestly couldn't answer it.
Sometimes I get these prompts and I think to myself. I don't have an answer long enough to put you through the torture of checking my blog, or I don't know if you want to read that, or my answer is boring, or DO I want you to read that. I mean my husband's family, my ex's family (could), my family (probably not), my step sons and even my 9 year old could read this on my blog. Do I really want to go through the whole explanation process.
So with a topic like I wasn't supposed to see...
I could say Santa kissing Mommy
I could say presents that I was supposed to see.
Or the thing that Moms and Dads typically do around the Christmas Season (you figure out what I mean)
I could see my Guardian's private parts when I was supposed to or their son. I think I walked into the bathroom when the door wasn't locked and they were in there. Not my fault at all! LOL
I also walked in on my Guardian's 80-90 year old Mother who was screaming for help because she couldn't latch her bra. I probably should have seen her bare breasts I probably will never cleanse my eyes of that ever.
I probably wasn't supposed to see a down zipper like not to long ago at a Birthday party.
I never walked in my Guardian's doing the deed because I don't think they ever did. Seriously they slept in separate rooms down the hall from each other. She always told me because he snored (which he did BADLY.) I doubt that was the only reason. But who wants me to air out other people's dirty laundry here on my blog? Gossip is always juicy but it doesn't always have to be the one thing that makes things interesting. I would prefer not to see my step kids without a shirt on or in their skivvies. I would prefer my daughter didn't either. Male skivvies always have that fly... its so annoying.
There are a lot of things in my life I wasn't supposed to see and I doubt I am supposed to say a lot of them here.
I am a guest blogger for a blog called My Life As a Military Wife here
I used an old blog I had written awhile back. So give me love... give me feedback. Is there any issues I should blog about? or take on?
{Remember, this is how the whole Twilight thing started!}
my dreams I've remembered a good bit of them since I was very young. They started at like Dumbo falling in an earthquake crater and a huge yellow snapping turtle in the "bottoms" of my grandfather's farm... up to adult hood my dreams have been unique and colorful to say the least. At lot of unrealistic and strange aspects to my dreams. Of course I have my share of nightmares a few years ago I repeatedly dreamed of a killer chasing me through aspects like (down the beach, through the woods, through water) it was always something that seemed to keep me slowed down. When I was pregnant with Skylar I dreamed I had her by c-section and she was a lab puppy. Thank You anti depressants while I was pregnant lol.
You know I was raised in a church. When I was living with my mom she would load my sisters and I up on a bus and we would go to Pinecrest Baptist Church in Morrow, GA. When I lived with my Guardian I went to church every Sunday that I can remember to Trinity United Church of Christ/ Trinity Community Church. I even went during the week to choir, to youth group, to do the Newsletter, to volunteer. I was at church a lot. But on my journey of learning my faith I've had to learn on my own. I have had to follow my own road. My relationship with my spiritual faith is a very personal, deep, faith. Its unlike any of yours.
So how did the Bible and Gianna impact my life? Well obviously when you attend church you learn about stories in the bible, the history, the future, what God wants for us... etc. That's the easy part to explain. Gianna if your a reader you know I've mentioned that book at least two times. Gianna impacted my life because she is a deeply spiritual woman who didn't let life's challenges or her "deck of cards" change her. I have learned about my own faith through this strong woman. Its been awhile since I read the book but to paraphrase she is asked how do you deal with your issues? She said I give it to God. I wasn't sure what she meant when I read the book. Through my own challenges of life I had to learn it myself. I have posted about my journey in Jesus Take The Wheel
I read this book shortly after I married Rick. The stories in the book put things in a perspective for me that helped me through my deployment. I had to remember what it would have been like for wives of both the World Wars. How extremely HARD it was for Vietnam and Korean wives because their husbands were fighting in unfavorable wars. Unfavorable like Iraq but the Soldiers and Wives didn't get near the lack of support as the Vietnam Wives and Military Men got. I wasn't a whiny mess during deployment. My world didn't fall apart. I raised two kids on my own with little help from my husband. Sure it was nice to be able to speak to him and get money and its different than being a single mom trust me I've been there to but its
un-explainable and it differs from couple to couple. Was it the book that helped me? I am not sure but it did give me perspective and showed me even a Military Wife was special.
1. I used to enjoy __scrapbook____ but now I don’t really anymore except for when I_do it on my computer
2. My first job was ______ at Publix store 545 in Hampton (Is it Hampton?) Georgia on Tara Blvd.
3. I am a bit obsessed with ________ at the moment. Making sure I don't take my life or my kids lives for granted
4. If I don’t have my ___________ at night, I don’t sleep well HUSBAND!