Monday, November 24, 2014

Monday November 24, 2014: We know. Everything.

We are mothers we know everything yet nothing. My daughter has never been a fan of academics. Yet she gets A's, B's, and C's and has been a decent student at school. First grade she would melt down over spelling words even though the teachers for several grades used a format called Spelling Tic Tac Toe to make it fun and easy.. Hours of torture would ensue.. she would pitch awful fits even though that wasn't her typically just her when it came to homework. The 1st first grade teacher failed her not for her own lack of academics but because in my belief the teacher didn't give her the building blocks she needed for second grade. This has been the constant subject of contention with the principal with the school now that Skylar is in the 5th grade and still struggling according to Skylar. She was tested and diagnosed with a learning disorder and was assigned a teacher called an inclusion teacher which is like an in- class tutor. After a few years she was tested out of the program and no longer had scores low enough to say she had that comprehension learning disability. There would be incidents with homework like trying to teach her how to count money... she would be like that's not how so and so does it (her teacher)! I was so frustrated because I would explain this to the teacher yet Miss stubborn princess would not budge.. 5 grade now she is still getting C's or above and she is just being stubborn. Crying about how hard and stressful school is. Oh dear lord please save me I have 7 more years of this just from her! Her assignment was this weekend was trying to learn all 44 presidents in order. I am assuming she has had over a week notice that she needs to know this. The teacher told my husband that she was even put into small groups to figure out a way to learn them. The teacher sent an email with a helpful link. When asked today if Skylar studied she said she did. She said she watched youtube videos that would help her but she still didn't know them. *insert tears and whines out of her* Rick checked her history on her computer and there was nothing... So now I am frustrated thinking she is getting mouthy and lying to me. Lying isn't something normally coming out of her either. So I did some Googling and gave her some references and told her she had a choice on what to study or what tools to study with. After pouting and pitching a silent fit she gave in and decided to do it her way. I bet she still doesn't know but she is so mouthy! My thing is she has an acronym for division and the school has been teaching them acronyms for almost anything she needs to learn. Its either that or there is a youtube video with a catchy song. Her acronym is something like Daddy (Divide) Mother (multiply) Sister (Subtract) Brother (Bring down) something like that... She can rattle that off her in her sleep so I found several youtube videos that give you a little song to remember the presidents.. There is a story about an alien named Waj (Washington Adams Jefferson) and his favorite candy is M n' M's (Madison and Monroe) and so on... She of course is just like I watched that once it doesn't help. Oh child does taking medicine once do you think it works? Listening to a song once do you know the lyrics? *insert mouthy tween here* *insert tears* Ohmigoodness.
I do more digging on Google. They haven't nicknamed me the Google queen for nothing...
Then there is a song called Washy Ad Jeffy.. 
This is why I can't home school this child I have tried twice

I am usually a pretty cool mom but when it comes to sassy mouthed lying stubborn tweens I loose my patience. Now I am going to have to look through Net Nanny's to see which one will work best for us.. *sigh*

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Ok sometimes I am a slow starter sometimes

I was diagnosed with Epilepsy as a pre-teen so my guardian wasn't in any hurry to let me drive. I also don't think she didn't think I was responsible enough. My guardian's daughter in law took me on one driving lesson before I turned 18. At 17-18 I had many friends get seriously hurt or die in car accidents due to negligence. I knew the law in Georgia that said if my seizures were uncontrolled I could be charged with attempted vehicle homicide or vehicular homicide if I was involved in an accident. So at that point I was afraid to drive. I met my 1st husband and he happily drove me around for awhile. Then he became abusive and controlling so it was a way for him to control me. After that part of my life was over with I was with a guy that gave me some driving lessons but every time a car came in my direction in the opposite lane I would freak out and freeze. Then the next guy I dated him and his uncle also tried to teach me to drive. I had to drive to Walmart to get formula for my baby and my licensed driver was drunk. I was apprehensive about my licensed driver being drunk when I had only had a learners permit for 3 hours. Sure enough in the Walmart parking lot I was driving the wrong way and hit a 3 month old Dodge Ram.. I did no noticeable damage to the Ram since it was higher off the ground than my boyfriends Oldsmobile. I went into Walmart and had the owner paged and it turned out to be 3 grand worth of damage to the dodge ram and a huge hole in the hood of my boyfriends Oldsmobile. The cop just sat in his car and laughed at me :/ Again the thoughts of maybe I shouldn't be driving scared me into not driving even though my seizures were under control. Later (I am not sure if it was months or years) but his uncle was teaching me to drive and I hit the curb and blew a tire. I had a melt down thinking of what could have been if someone was on that sidewalk. I had my child with me so the nervousness set in again. Neither of them wanted to teach me much after that.
  In 2007 I met my now husband and he was deploying so he took on the task of REALLY teaching me how to drive. At this point I was 27 and still with a learners permit. I was finally brave enough or maybe pressured enough since he was deploying in a month to take my drivers road test. I did it! I passed. He left July.. after he left for training but before he deployed I had a fender bender in the Commissary (grocery store) parking lot because they had a huge tent sale in the parking lot. By October I had completely totaled his car. The insurance company was nice enough to comp me a rental until January and I had only taken it off post once and I was having an anxiety attack just doing that. My friends would tease me at my over caution. my grand ma driving etc. But I was really struggling with the anxiety I had most of my life with driving. Once he came home for R&R he bought another car and I was afraid to drive it but eventually I got better with that anxiety and drove it more but still avoided roads that made me nervous and stayed close to home until he came home for good.

I worked on my anxiety and began to like driving in my little Honda I call Lady. I have always loved cars just not driving them. I had to get my hubby to trust me with her after all that and get him to believe I was confident in driving. So for a few years Lady was all mine and Rick and his son James bought a old Jeep so he could teach his son how to drive. Eventually the jeep just became too expensive to repair
The former owners called him Beast so we kept the name.. He had Punisher skull painted on the top

After the Beast died we decided we still needed a second car with James and Rick working and I needed a car at home for doctors appointments and kid things.. We also knew we needed a bigger car for all our children to fit into. We found a lovely van named Belle. At first Rick was supposed to drive Belle. I mean Lady had a custom sound system that was MY Christmas present she was MY car... But Rick got tired of the in city mileage and I think just driving a minivan wore on him so he wanted to switch. I don't drive Lady much anymore I am so comfortable in her though. I was always afraid of driving a bigger vehicle.  So I started driving the van and earlier this year I had a mishap on the way home from dropping the kids off at school. It sounded like a bomb hit the van.. I got home told Rick what happened there was no immediate signs of scratches or dents. Rick assumes I hit a mailbox but when I looked in the rear view it was still there? Then I spotted the broken mirror. Which I am not legally allowed to drive if the mirror is missing so Rick took it to work and work on repairing it. I took Lady.. I was driving through a school zone that after noon and I made the mistake of after passing the crossing guard I picked up speed... too much speed... I got my first ticket (other than 1 seat belt ticket in a parking lot) I had to go to Defensive Driving school which wasn't awful and I learned a lot. SO now I am trying to be hyper aware in school zones. Hell I try to not driving during school times just because we live near 4 school zones and then there is always buses etc.. UGH

The Blog Dare on Bloggy Moms

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Saturday November 22, 2014: I was wondering how you would feel.

I was going to write something dark as I pondered over this topic past couple of days but I saw Hunger Games Mockingjay part 1 today thanks to my husband's employer who rented out a theater for us :) I read all the books when the first movie came out (what two years ago now?)
I just wondered what it would feel like to be Gale? Gale is Katniss' hero. He's her constant in many ways. Yet he has to turn a blind eye to her love for Peeta. Gale seems so passionate about going against the Hunger Games but he's not passionate to show Katniss how he feels. I say from the very beginning Katniss makes it clear how she feels about romance, being married, and having a kid. I don't think she ever really love Gale he was that boy next door, big brother, kinda have a crush on type.. I think its really unfair how Suzanne Collins portrays him like he always secretly loved her. It actually almost ruins it for me. It makes it like the Jacob/ Bella/ Edward love triangle from Twilight. in Twilight Jacob is her anchor but she never really says she loves him. As much as I was team Jacob because I love the idea of being married to your best friend or being with your best friend for life versus some guy that will leave you hanging... So its the same for Gale. I wasn't team Gale though because like I said she has clearly stated no thanks on the baby making because she didn't want to have children that would have to go to the Hunger Games. Back to Hunger Games though I was wondering how it would feel to be Gale? How would you feel if you knew you were the hero and you were in love with someone but she was pretty much blind to it? How would you feel?

How would you feel if you were Jacob Black or Gale Hawthorne how would you feel? Have you ever been in that situation?

Friday, November 21, 2014

Friday November 21, 2014: It's just another day.

Its just another Friday here. Every other Friday (most of the time) my husband has them off. So we typically go on our date if we can afford it. Don't get too excited its just lunch out somewhere while the kids are in school. I am grateful he volunteered that we should go to take care of our Christmas shopping. So we took care of most of our shopping and didn't spend near as much as we used to. I am TIRED of toys. My kids either like being outdoors or on their electronics. There are times when my son wants his hot wheels or his legos but most of the time its electronics, board games, outside stuff. I have their big gifts to get but I didn't get them yet because I have no where to hide them LOL.

My blogger friend Beth and I were talking... Have you read her blog +Beth Applegate ? Anyways she was like I am not sure readers want to read about that. I was like have you seen the insane stuff on the internet? I never know what to blog about. I haven't been getting many comments so I guess I will just take the comments as suggestions. Like Beth I am not sure you want to read about the boring parts of my day? So what say you? Do you want to read about just an average day in the misadventures of my second life?

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Thankful Thursday.

So who does the 30 days of Thankfulness on social networking? I have heard some people say that you should be thankful every day not just because Thanksgiving is coming. I am thankful every day but sometimes we just need to speak it out loud. Plus! social media could always use some more positivity am I right? So yes I have been doing it. I think I have missed one day but I have been keeping up with it pretty good coming up with heart felt thank you's. I was going to do them on the blog but I realize I am behind so maybe I will just post them on my weekly meme of Thankful Thursday? I don't know I am even hoping to keep up with my blog that long. Also in November is Epilepsy Awareness month so I try to spread awareness of Epilepsy because I had it until I was 21 and my first husband died from it at 27. So I think its important to educate! We have so much emphasis in October for Breast Cancer Awareness and Susan G Komen where is the awareness for the other types of cancers and conditions? Sure we can't fit them all into a 12 month calendar but I can't walk into Walmart in October without feeling like I walked into Barbies Dream house because even the mop is pink! 

Day 20 of the 30 days of Thankfulness. I am thankful for my experiences the only one I would chose not to relive are the ones that have directly altered the path of my children. My experiences taught me strength, knowledge, love, compassion.. etc

Day 19 out of 30 days of Thankfulness. I am thankful my kids have warm jackets and coats. I wear a very non fashionable Marlboro Country puffy coat that irritates the living daylights out of me but its super warm versus my old ski coat. I gave away Skylar's coat I got from Rocket City Consignment to a 4th grader at the bus stop who only had a hoodie on this morning and it wouldn't even zip up. I figure even if it was a bit small she could at least have another layer on.

Day 18 of 30 Thankful for Huntsville there is always something to do here!

Day 17 of 30 days I am thankful for a good read or good movie, a snuggly scooby blanket, fluffy pillow.

Day 16 of 30.. I am thankful for YOU!

Day 15 of the 30 days of thankfulness I am thankful for the ear that listens, that shoulder that supports, and the kisses that dry the tears..

There are a lot of things I haven't done.

I was on a Marriage Retreat several years ago hosted by the Chaplain in the Army. The Chaplain tried to explain to us wives that our husbands had been through more life experiences than we could ever experience. I beg to differ. My husband has seen Iraq, he's seen war, he's seen hunger but not experienced it, he's seen and been through some pretty tough stuff. But in most common terms he is book smart to my street smart. There are a lot of things I haven't done.. I have never served even though I tried they wouldn't take me in. I applied for 3 out of the 4 main branches too!. I haven't been to a country such as Iraq and I haven't been globe trotting and seen the ruins in Turkey, the Salt Mines, Castles, and death camps of Germany. I haven't seen the beautiful greenery in Ireland. But I have seen things in this world he hasn't seen. I have lost a spouse and a child. I have had a lot of tragedy. I had no one picking me back up once I had fallen. I was almost completely alone. He's always kinda had the military to support him in every endeavor. They cook for you, they tell you when to get up and when to go to bed, they give you clothes to wear, they train you and protect you.. They even teach you how to drive if you need it. He's never been without a job for long or insurance. He's never really had to live on Welfare as I have and bust my ass to try to find any way I can to pay my rent. I have hustled many times to make four pennies rub together to make a nickel.  There are things I have more experience in than he does. I think its important in a marriage to respect your spouses strengths and not challenge them when they show you their strength. Its not emasculating to let the wife win sometimes. Its not even about me winning its about respecting the knowledge I have acquired and acknowledging I did go through that and I might know a thing or two. Not all advice given has to be taken but at the very least like when your a new mother and you get an absurd piece of advice you brush it off you don't fight with your mother in law about it just to make tension. Do you think it might be wise to take someones advice if it makes sense if things haven't been going your way for some time? You think maybe you can say I tried it didn't work and throw it back in their face politely? Maybe then they would shut up. As I tell my step son what your trying isn't working and your frustrated with not making progress why not let someone in? Why not let someone give you advice? Why not let someone else take the reins? I am a special brand of stubborn but I am not so stubborn if I don't know where the hell I am going I don't ask for directions. I don't believe in wasting time or energy about trying to attempt something without direction. That's like a doctor doing a procedure without knowledge isn't it? Playing with fire a bit. The whole time your playing with fire your wearing the other people down and they are loosing hope. They are eventually going to give up. I am tired of being bloodied trying to help others when all they have for me is a brick wall and they don't want my help. They don't want to be my partner. 

I haven't done a lot of things in my life. I haven't achieved my life long dream of animal conservation. Dreams don't die though priorities change. There are many of my dreams I don't know where to begin to go and achieve them though. I have never been popular at least by my standards I have never been a cheerleader or a football star but perhaps something I have done make the difference in this world. I believe I can make a difference in this world even if not everyone is pleased by what I do or haven't done. 

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Wifey Wednesday

I know your saying whew girl that's a whole lot of blogging today but I wanted to take part in this meme because its something I have addressed recently in therapy and in my private blog. The topic on to Love Honor and Vacuum is Make Up Sex is it real? 

Well I just closed the book on Captivated by You by Sylvia Day and in the 4 books I have read in this Crossfire Series the main characters Gideon and Eva.. both abused as children have gotten into this relationship with each other that is sexually charged. Perhaps they are not using sex in a healthy way but who's to say? Certainly not I. 

I have been spending time outside of therapy concerned about other people around me.. Maybe they are as broken, exhausted, cranky, needy, etc etc... as I am or can be.

So Rick and I had a disagreement and he made me feel bad.. He hurt my feelings if I put it out there for the world to see. It just sounds childish to say. He wasn't trying to have make up sex and I wasn't either but I felt the need to put in my private blog last week or whenever it happened that I don't like it. I don't know if it was from my own abuse or I just don't like it. That may be the way he handles it but it doesn't mesh well with the way I process it. I consider it a band-aid on the problem like the poster who wrote in to the blog. It just further triggers my need to fight or flight most likely flight since I already fought :( 

So this may be the topic for my next Girl Talk Tuesday :)

I am linking up here

Whiskers Wednesday.

My family has six cats.. .
My daughters cat Tinker Belle. Tink is almost 8 years old and we adopted her in 2007. She can't function without Skylar. 

My Baby is Cocoa he's about  6 years old. He showed up at the bus stop one morning really starving. I couldn't stand for such a beautiful Siamese to starve. We have had him at least 4 years.

My kitten is Peeta. He is 3 years old and he is one of my foster failures from volunteering with the cat rescue. We have had him since he was old enough to be away from his mommy and was separated from her in the pound.

Peanut is my reluctant family member. An Army wife asked me to watch her cat for a year while her husband was deployed. He's been here for the past 4-5 years. He's 5 years old.

Sydney was the other foster failure. I was fostering her before I got Peeta and we adopted her after Peeta she is 4 years old. We have had her for the past 3 years. 
Mittens is my special needs princess. She is 10 years old. We have had her for 5 years.She was adopted from a rescue in Huntsville.

 Today's story is about how big brother Cocoa takes care of us... Here is a video of Cocoa doing black ops coming home from the bus stop. He used to keep on our flank and check under every car and the drain, and door etc.. Last year neither child of mine road the bus to school but Cocoa would often walk other children to their bus stop. When we go on family walks the neighbors always comment on how crazy it is for a cat to walk with us without a leash (shh don't tell Animal Control). This morning Cocoa ran outside as we were walking William to his bus stop and as I watched William cross the street.... Cocoa followed actually Cocoa was ahead of William but ran back across the street to walk William across the street then down the side walk to the bus stop with me tailing behind. Cocoa is always big brother... One day the family was enjoying the sunshine out in our back yard and I decided to let the kittens out to play (Peeta and Sydney) Cocoa seemed to walk in circles around them keeping them close to the house. When William was little and he was crying one day while I buckled his seat belt Cocoa climbed in the car and got in-between William and to make sure he was okay. Cocoa goes for car rides sometimes. He's not particularly thrilled with the idea but he gets in the van/car willingly! The other day I was bringing the kids home from school and Cocoa sat in the middle of the road and the bus driver who arrived at the same time had to sit and wait on Cocoa to move. The next time I saw the bus driver I apologized for Cocoa's lack of common sense. He said he would never run over my beautiful cat. I always worry that either Cocoa is too friendly and someone will snatch him up (becareful to those who think about stealing him if he is inside too long he WILL spray!) or maybe they think he is a pest... Some people just don't like animals! *shocker* I know! So as independent as he is I just can't keep him inside full time. I think we have too many roosters in the hen house... I don't know. Cocoa has changed a lot during the past 4 years. Being a very spoiled indoor outdoor cat has its own problems and challenges such as someone has attacked my cat several times and each time it happens its $300 vet bill ugh.. I love my cat. Something has been biting him in the butt and it becomes abscessed. So I do worry about him. He has made good friends with my neighbor Julie. We went out of town and I asked Julie to feed him once a day because if he had to stay outside for the week I did want her checking on him. Now he thinks breakfast comes in three helpings --stinker! She says he has done the same thing to her playing chicken with her van like he does with the school bus.
We are at the school Mommy where are the kids?

I am your co-pilot forever right mommy? 

Him following William to the bus stop this morning.

and another issue we are having with Cocoa is outdoor housing!! He's so stubborn its dipped down around 20 degree's lately and he wants out.. I am like Cocoa you dont' really mean it. I let him out and within 5 minutes he's back in and then back out again. A few years ago I found two types of small dog/cat houses at the big box chain stores.
The inside is made of a thin foam like material and the outside is thin plastic.. If I remember correctly it can even be used as a carrier? But I haven't as you can see what I thought was weather beaten just may be another animal trying to find Cocoa? Maybe? Whatever has been biting him? I need to replace this ASAP but on a low budget. We've tried the coolers and the totes but I really don't want them on my stoop you know what I mean and Cocoa didn't really go in them when I had a cat I was trying to rescue before is the reason why I made one. I also bought a dog house (like a real one for a German shepherd) Cocoa has no interest in that either! 

I just can't find a small cat house that is weather proof or semi weather proof to go on my porch.. I guess I need to find a wood worker to make me one *sigh*
I would really like to find the plastic shell I used before one more time so if you have any leads on cat houses for outdoors let me know! 

no Lowes does not carry this!! Crazy! 

So I guess I am raising a bunch of Linus'

Nothing should come between a child and their blanket....

My oldest Mackenzie was given a Scooby Doo blanket as a baby shower present. For the first year or year and a half of his life he always had his blanket. My now 12 year old Skylar was given a quilt the day she was born at Gordon Hospital when she was in the NICU. My 5 year old William has many blankets. His baby blanket is blue camo with his name on it but he prefers his other ones...

I belong to a group on Facebook and her 11 year old's blanket was basically in threads and she wondered what should she do with it? I told her that's nothing my 12 year old has had hers since the days she was born and won't let it go. I don't have pacifier babies or thumb suckers I have blanket babies. Pacifiers you can usually find an easy replacement and of course your thumb is always connected to your hand but I think those habits are harder to break.

There was a time when Skylar would take her "B" everywhere with her and we went to Kroger. I was putting Skylar in the car and my significant (or Insignificant) other was putting away the groceries in the trunk.. Well he took the cart the cart corral and didn't notice Skylar's blanket was still in the cart! We got home and Skylar was asking for her "B" and it was gone. We rushed back to Kroger and it wasn't in lost and found. One of the employees said he just threw it away... REALLY? a homemade quilt? So we had no choice but to dumpster dive for her precious B and have it washed well.  After that we made a rule that has very little exceptions.. B doesn't leave the house LOL.
Here are pictures of Skylar and her B. Yes the cat has grown with her tooo.

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William and his blankets. My friend Erica was PCSing and she left some stuff at my house until she returned from a trip to Washington. Two of the items which were blankets. I guess there was some misunderstanding about the blankets and they got left behind... I am kinda grateful but feel bad at the same time. These are just average Target blankets I am guessing half is silky and the other half is softy minky fabric... William loves them. We have them in two colors blue and red. Sometimes he wants one more than the other and I am trying to wash them enough to keep them clean but the minky is loosing its softness and becoming matted down. There was also this pink pillow he couldn't do without until it got so bad it just HAD to go LOL.. Those blankets aren't even his baby blanket!

I was talking with the receptionist at the school about it and she said her son used to rub the blanket between his fingers. William does this too since both sides have a different fabric he's been known to do it to my hair as well. She said her son now rubs his belt loops on his pants till they break LOL.

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I had this blanket made with his name on it blue camo minky dot to match his crib bedding. 
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and he came home from the hospital with this blanket and this outfit..
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and when they don't have their respective blankets that don't mind sleeping with my oldest son's Scooby doo blanket that I mentioned earlier in the story...believe it or not Mackenzie's blanket has only needed one small fix. If all velour blankets were made this way... It is one of the warmest softest blankets ever as well.. Just not quite long enough to keep my feet warm.. You can find it on my bed most days.
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